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I am laughing through pain. That's right. I am laughing at my pain. Oh wait - this really does hurt.


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Saturday, December 27, 2008

Watching Seinfeld and enjoying a quiet Saturday

Awwww me....I should be studying for an upcoming exam but I am watching Seinfeld re-runs and being lazy on the sofa. I am enjoying a head-ache free day even though my shoulder is buggin me. Maybe my laziness is due to my current contemplation about whether my health issues should prevent me from being a parent. My shoulder locks up whenever I am carrying anything for too long. Like last night....we went shopping, I bought some jeans and after about 30 minutes of carrying the bad my shoulder was killin me.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

The Fight

Ya know...I feel better, I blog about it and then I feel like crap. It's really quite the dysfunctional relationship with Murphy's Law. In fact, I think it is a toxic relationship I should sever. Isn't this what Dr. Phil prescribes? Me feeling like crap = headache which = migraine. It's a form of torture but I am not sure who is inflicting this on me.

I am sitting here feeling much better after my chiro appt with Dr. Z (if you live in Orange County, I highly recommend him ). My neck was locked up again and my shoulder was twittering with pain. It was awful. I have been looking forward to a muscle relaxer when I get home as soon as I get to work, and I hate the feeling of the muscle relaxer except that it provides relief. The foggy head side effect is completely undesirable. Anywho, Dr. Z released my neck and I feel somewhat human again....except for the fogginess.

So now I sit and write thinking about that I should be working on my short story. I went to the library and picked up Alice Munro and Chekov for research. My short story seems to have too many characters at the moment which means I should save it for a novel. But, alas I am now rambling. What I am trying to say is that I am procrastinating. Maybe I will drink some half caf coffee and see if this helps perk me up.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Just do it

I am sitting on my laptop...where I have been for most of the weekend...playing online Scrabble and procrastinating studying and writing. What you may say? What are you talking about? Well, I have been invited to write for 2 health websites. Nothing big. I am pretty much doing what I do here...blogging and practicing my writing. The problem is this: I am writing for 3 websites. How do I keep up with this, work 40 - 60 hours per week, participate in my relationship and practice my writing period? These are the questions.

My dream has always been, I just lost it along the way sometime ago, to be a therapist and a fictional writer. I got lost somewhere along the way of life and ended up taking a really big detour. But, this blog has got me thinking that I really need to get back to my passions. What I am finding is that when I am doing something I love, I feel healthy. Just imagining myself publishing a book and helping people in person in my own office puts joy in my heart. And, the best thing about this is that when I feel this way I have less headaches and less migraines. When my creativity is unleashed, I just feel better.

This last week I was back in for my botox. Because I am getting ready to have my 4x per year womanly cycle (that is woman code for period gentleman), the migraine creeps its ugly head out just as a groundhog does. This time was no different. The shoulder starts, the pressure between the eyes, and then the pinch! So, I go get my shots which friggin hurt and then I go back to work. By the end of the day I am looking forward to nothing else but my migraine meds. I get home. I gulp down my pill with a big glass of water and I wait (oh yeah, and I stole a magazine from the doctor's office because Troy Aikman was interviewed for his migraines...wups! I confess. I did it). After about 1 hour the meds kick in and my personality flat lines. I am totally absent of affect. By bedtime I debate about taking another pill; I end up taking it and sleep in the next morning. But, I am better.

The next day I am still slow but I can fake it. I fantasize about earning some extra money as a writer so I can put it away for my masters and again I feel joy. The more I think about it, the more I believe that a lot of these metaphysical authors are correct. It really is about finding passion and finding yours. I think you end up with less stress and if this is one of your triggers (like me!) then maybe the migraines will lessen in intensity.

I am certainly not saying this is the cure, but what I am saying is that when you find something you love, your body and your spirit thank you for it. Passion is nourishment.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Just Sayin Hi

I have too many distractions today to write anything meaningful. So, I am just sayin hi. I got my botox this week and will write about it when I can find some quiet.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Too good...we have come so far

To say that I am giddy over our election results on Tuesday is to be unable to find the right word for the level of excitement and pride I feel about this. Policy opinions aside...this was huge. I really feel like my generation finally did something we can say "Yes, I contributed to this really great event!" Obama is elegant, humble, very intelligent and our President elect!!! I feel like if I opt for children and they want to be president, I can say Yes You Can because look at President Obama (oh p.s. if Chris and I had kids they would be mixed racially).

On a sad note Proposition 8 passed in California. I am reposting a comment I sent to my friend who voted for it. It sums up exactly how I feel about this issue and how we should listen to each other. To put this into context - she posted a blog defending her vote and she was clearly feeling attacked by some friends of hers (not by yours truly; I did not know how she voted until she posted her blog):

Well my friend, how about a friendly dialogue then? I think if you only talk about issues with people who agree with you then there is really no point in talking about them. You absolutely have a right to your opinion and I applaud you for exercising your right to vote. In fact I send you a round of applause for being brave and asserting your view on this. It sets a great example for your family when you exercise your civil duty....and plus, we as women stand on the shoulders of many other women who fought for our right to vote. It was not that long ago when women were still considered chattel (fancy word for property for those who may not be familiar with it....a dog is considered chattel today on the law books).

So, let's talk. I know you don't hate gay people, because if you did then you would hate my family and I don't believe you to be a hateful person. I don't believe you hate Mel or my dad since you ask me how they are doing. But, to place this in context for those reading this who may not know me: I grew up with 2 gay dads who were together for 20 years. They raised me and did a pretty fucking good job. They raised me in a family. I was one of the few people who did not have to spend time between two homes due to divorce. I would say proudly that I am a fairly accomplished adult and this is due to my 2 dads. So, now that this is out of the way let me propose some food for thought for you and I invite you to throw it right back at me. I'm not trying to change your mind, but I want you to see where my belief comes from.

Not too long ago there was a case called Loving v. Virginia. It went to the Supreme Court to decide where states could make it illegal for whites to marry non-whites. The Supreme Court said that the states could not interfere with with a civil right to marry; specifically it cited the 14th Amendment. Additionally it is interesting to note that the church was backing the laws that remained in the state Virgina stating this was a moral issue that a white man should not be able to marry a black woman; they wanted to continue the Racial Integrity Act of 1924 (The Mormon Church funded Prop 8 - 20 million dollars worth which mostly came from out of state). Which was exactly what this case was about. This couple got married in another state, returned to their home in Virginia and their home was raided by police because they were sleeping in the same bed which was a crime. They went to jail. Had they not fought this, their children would have been considered bastards and socially undesirable under the social mores of the time. Additionally, I would not have the option to marry Chris if this had stayed on the books.

I believe that the right to marry is a civil rights issue and not one of morality. No one is trying to force the Church's' hand in marriage or even try to change the view of ones moral compass, we are only trying to state this: gay people are not second class citizens and to deny them the right to marry so that they have all of the legal rights under marriage is to say they do not matter. It sends a message that they are 2nd class citizens because they have less rights than others. Specifically it sends a message that a family who finds moral issues with their gay son or daughter can not only kick their partner out of a hospital room (and they do this) but they can also take over all of the property rights bequeathed to this partner. It also states that gay people cannot have a family under the protections of the law: rights for visitation, child support, etc. I could go on but for the sake of brevity I will leave it there.

On a personal note: why is my family less important than those of a straight couple? Why was it right that Mel feared having me taken away from him because our family was not legitimate under the eyes of the law? And further, why is it fair that I am not Mel's daughter under the eyes of the law to this day? Yes, there is a domestic partner law but it does not cover these basic areas that I have only touched on.

In short my friend, I have no problem agreeing to disagree with you on this issue and I do not think less of you for your opinions. But, we should all be able to speak civilly about our differences. It is an opportunity to grow from them. Anyone who is scolding you for your choices is not looking at this from the big picture that we all can grow from this experience. We just elected our first Black President...if that is not growth, I don't know what is.

Saturday, November 1, 2008


I stand corrected. Oklahoma City is pretty kewl. So, I arrived the first day and I was less than impressed. We went from the airport to the hotel and the drive was ....well, it was typical of what you find driving from any airport: Blech! We checked into a GORGEOUS hotel and were off and running. We drove to this one town everyone had researched and thought it was going to be AMAZING. It wasn't. Actually it was kinda lame. The houses were pretty. They were new. But, the town was small (all of 2 blocks) and it was pretty under developed. Not many trees and a lot of construction. We got a call that the new OKC NBA team, the Thunder, was holding a practice and we were invited. I jumped at the opportunity. The Ford Center was not what it was hyped up to be. It was as nice but no better than any other that I had seen. Anywho, the practice was kew. People were really excited and it was contagious. The first remained so-so.

The second day we met with the Chamber of Commerce for a breakfast which was a great welcoming. My hopes were perculating. We then separated into groups and I went off to meet the Cimmaron Alliance. WOW! What a fantastic meeting with a great group of people. They were welcoming, open, honest, proud of their city and practical on how they were going to make it even better. The diversity in the city is thriving and what is even more impressive is that the minority communities work together and support each other. Imagine that?!
On the last day we attended a Diversity Business Association meeting where we met Al McAfferty who is a state representative and the mother of Jim Roth who is running for energy commissioner. Muy Kewl! We mingled with a lot of business owners (white, gay, straight, name it, they were present!) who get together to network 2x per month. There were people from small and big business; local and national business. It was actually pretty inspiring.

Without completing a play by play, the trip was a success and I will consider relocating to OKC. It all depends on the offer now from the company. Regardless, it is a win/win situation.
Oh, and the best part was that I had not one migraine.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

OKC in the place to be

Well, I am off to Oklahoma on Monday morning to explore the city and all that it has to offer. While I am not terribly happy about being away from home from 4 days (what can I say....I love my boyfriend and I love being around makes my days happy and I am happy to be sappy), I am excited that this will at least make a decision for me. To move or not to move that will be the answer. I have never been to middle American and so I really don't know what to expect. Civility? Flatlands? Stereotypes? I really don't know. I am a California transplant who has traveled more outside of the country than in and I have only lived away from the coast once (I did not like it).

I am asking my headaches/migraines to take a break. I really do not want to be exploring this city feeling like poop. Especially since I just got over the flu and Ihave been feeling like poop for the last week. The sad thing is that I feel a little headache coming on. My neck is locking up and it feels like I may need to take some preventative medicine. I'll wait until tonight though....

There will be an update to follow :)

Monday, September 29, 2008

Monday, Monday so lovely when you get to sleep in!

So, I am off from work today and tomorrow because Chris' mom is coming to stay with us tonight...and well, it was a great excuse to take a couple of days off. I am feeling quite relaxed. We had the house cleaners come on Friday and now I am just completing some touch ups: flowers in the bedroom, chocolate on the pillow, some magazines by the bed and of course a yummy smelling candle. She is only staying for one night but I like people to feel comfortable and welcome in our home.

I am feeling a lot better than I was in my last post. Work is still work and thus it is a constant stream of change. I had a slight melt down on Tuesday when some additional changes were made right after we settled into our move and I settled into my fish bowl that people call a place to sit. The melt down turned into a good thing. I clearly needed to shed some salty rivers because when I came home I slept for about 10 hours. I have felt a lot lighter since. I could have done without the puffy eyes and streaks of mascara shooting down the sides of my nose, but hey we can't all be beauty queens 100% of the time....although I don't know if I wear enough kabuki face paint to be considered one any of the time. It was a good release and it has enabled me to see opportunity again versus opposition.

So, on Saturday I went for a 2 hour bike ride. Something I am not supposed to do because of my neck and shoulder, but man it felt it good. I decided I would see if I could ride to work and how long it would take. Apparently riding at high noon with no hat in the sunshine is not really good for people like me who are prone to heat strokes. But, it felt really good! It took me 2 hours when it could have taken 1 hour but I felt better because I am so unhappy with my muffin top. I may even ride to work one day this week....we shall see.

Well, back to my touch ups! Hope everyone is having a Bobby McFerrin Don't Worry Be Happy Day ;)

Friday, September 19, 2008

No siento bien!

Man, this week...well, it sucked. I got a migraine on Monday night that lasted through this morning (it is now Friday) and I also have the flu. Not kewl! Not kewl! In fact, life seems oddly cruel right now. Excuse me whilst I lapse into a pity party for one:
Our office moving to another suite because we laid off 170 people and I am being placed into a cubicle that is about 1/4 of the size that I was in before. What the heck? No more windows so I can stare at the traffic on the freeway. No more seats for my staff to come into my office and vent about the customer they are having to manage. And, no place to put my personnel files. I am about as happy as dog with a flea on his butt. They are moving us to an area where they do not have enough supervisor cubes. My question is this: why not put me in an office then? There are plenty of those! UGH! Or put someone with more seniority in an office and put me in a supervisor cube. The politics of corporate America are just infuriating sometimes. Not to mention when my boss asked me if I was ok with my seating assignment and I said no, he walked away. Big WHATEVA! It's times like these when I would like to pull out my wand and give him a little Legilimency (for you non-Harry Potter fans this means magical skill of extracting feelings and memories from another person's mind) to see why he would ask me that question in the first place. It's much better than using the Darth Vader techniques for punishing admirals.

Ok, but I am more spiritually advanced than this petty squabbling that I am expressing...right? Well, not always. While I try to have a positive attitude and an Oprah "look for the meaning in all experiences" sometimes I have to pull out my kleenex (even when I do not have the flu) and just say WAAAAAAHHHHHH! I had a looooooong migraine this week with a sprinkle of the flu. I do not feel good.

p.s. speaking of Sprinkle...have you ever had a Sprinkles cupcake??? OH MY!!! It's good. best cupcake I have ever had! I highly recommend all of them.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Sunday, August 31, 2008


I am not someone who believes one should not speak about politics and religion. If you don't talk about it with people who may disagree with you, then why talk about it? Why spend your time only speaking with people who have the same mindset as you? What if you are wrong on something? How will you advance? I don't ever propose that I am right on these topics, but I do propose this: as long as both of us walk away thinking about what the other person said, it was a successful conversation. And, if either of us walk away feeling like we lost then it seems to be one of us or both us needs to do some homework on our positions. Discussing uncomfortable topics with people who disagree with you helps both of you understand why you feel that way in the first place. If ya can't back it up, don't assert your opinion until you can.

Anywho, this blog is about the Democratic National Convention and not my battle with migraines (although sometimes watching politics play out can certainly give me a headache). Whether you like Obama or not, you have to assert that this man is a great speaker and he moves people. We are witnessing history here folks. In case you missed last week, allow me to fill you in....the speeches were moving, inspiring and phenomenal. I cried through all of them. I yelped "YES!" and "That is what I am talking about" and "Finally someone said it." I am not a Democrat and I am not a Republican but I am an American. Like most Americans I am not easily defined by a label. I am liberal on some issues and conservative on others.

When Obama took the stage on Thursday night and said "I accept the Democratic nomination" I cried. I just wept. I was sitting there and watching history. I was watching history with my partner and thinking: wow, we are watching this in our lifetime. His speech was powerful and hard hitting. He said was a lot of people have been waiting to hear for almost 8 years: we are not an America who leave their veterans homeless on the streets, children in poverty, and its citizens without sufficient health care.

Obama is not great because he is African American. He is not great because he is a fantastic orator. He is not great because of his civil record. He is great because of all of these experiences and his life experience in general You cannot isolate one thing about him and say well this is it. He is the real deal. He knows that he cannot do this alone and that it is time the citizens stepped up and took their country back.

Whoever you decide to vote for, is not what I am trying to persuade you from here. What I am trying to point out is that WE are witnessing history here for many reasons. Keep paying attention because this is exciting and it is not often that the news is actually exciting.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Absence makes the heart grow

Yikes! Sorry for the absence. I have been feeling rather unmotivated with very little to say. Know what I mean? Sometimes you just gotta give yourself some space to vedge and space out a little. But, I do thank you for the me the warm and fuzzies!

I am happy to report that Indiana was migraine free. I was very careful to take a break from any activities and take my meds when any tension started in my head, neck or shoulders (naproxen and muscle relaxer at night). I had one mild headache, but one little bottled vanilla frapaccino took it away. It is really amazing how when you don't drink coffee everyday, it can help with your headaches! Amaz-ga-ning! I have taken my precautious medicating home with me and so far I am doing pretty good. I also took an additional 4 days off work when we got back so I could wind down. It was niiiiiicceee!

Indianapolis is much different than California....and in a good way. Downtown was beautiful. Lots of old building (old for the U.S.), brick houses, churches with copper steeples, water fountains was very lovely. Some of the statues were not what I would call politically correct (one statue was of a guy in nifty booties who conquered the Indian's...code for kicked them off their land and then killed em!) which were somewhat disturbing at times. I was not sure why they were paying tribute to some of the people, but I don't pretend to know Indiana history. Anywho, there were lots of trees. I loved it! Tree lined highways reminded me of home in Northern California. The people were very friendly and Chris' family could not have been any more welcoming. I felt like part of the family right away! So, I would say the trip was a success and it was really wonderful to see Chris around his family. I was not convinced I could love his grandma anymore than I did before, but I stand corrected. The woman is all love and she lets you feel it with each embrace.

So, now I have been back to work for almost 2 weeks and the stress is the same as when I left for vacation. I am still looking for stress relievers. A friend of mine wants me to go on a Candida Diet because I am tired all of the time. I started looking into to it and it seems I need to get my adrenal glands checked out first. They say if you are really tired after working out (which I am...I never feel energized anymore), then you should get them checked out. So, I am currently procrastinating calling for an appointment.

I do hope everyone has been well....and free of pain!

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Off to the Races!

I am off to Indiana, but not to see the races. We are headed off to spend some time with Chris' family. I am actually excited because I love his grandmother and she is one of the main reasons we are going.

So, wish me luck on remaining headache free!

p.s. still off caffeine and drinking this fabulous green and cranberry tea. It's from Trader Joes and it is fabulous!! I highly recommend it.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Caffeine breakup

Well, I did it. I quit caffeine. I promised myself I would do it with my next migraine since I would be doped up and thus unable to feel a coffee headache. I have been wanting to do this for a few reasons: 1) my neuro wanted me to; 2) I have been really tired lately and I hate relying on something to get me going and 3) I dislike being dependant on anything.

So, now I drink green tea and herbal tea. Yes, green tea has a little caffeine but not like my beloved java. And I do love coffee. I love the process of making it, the taste of it, the energy behind my eyes from it and I love the smell of it. But, it is for all these reasons why I must let it go. Lucky for me I found a new fruffy green tea that is so yummy I actually look forward to it. It gives me no jolt and no effects of coffee whatsoever, but it tastes good and basically I am drinking flavored water. This is a good thing because I need to drink more water.

I am basically no fun anymore and this is in part because of migraines. No alcohol. No caffeine. I can't stay out late. I have to get 7-8 hours of sleep. No fun. If I do not monitor these things, I am susceptible to a migraine. For example, I had a 17 hour day on Friday. I was up at 4:30am and did not get home until 9:30pm. I was exhausted by 2pm but I had to keep going because I had flown 2 hours for an all day meeting. The next day I had a headache and my neck was very sore. These are signs of a migraine to come. So, I veged all day and took my meds at night like a good patient. My boyfriend/partner thankfully had to work all day; otherwise he would have had to spend the day solo. I was no fun.

Coffee at least gave me the excuse of meeting up at a local coffee house. I was the one last thing I was holding on to as a means for socializing. Ok, so maybe I am being a tad dramatic here because mostly I drank coffee only in the morning and by myself anyways. But, I could have met up with people for coffee! Alas, coffee and I have broken up. We are friends but not nearly as close as we used to be.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Define Freedom after 11pm

I really do enjoy the neighborhood we live in. We have some quirky neighbors and for the most part I really do enjoy those quirks. Now, let me tell you something about the area I live in: it is next door to a very wealthy area where quite a few celebrities and the very rich call home. I say this because it's important to know there is a lot of money next door. Then there is the town I live in. There was quite literally a lawsuit to redefine the city line so that some people could raise their home value due to the next door zip code. The town I live in has lot of people who would be considered ...umm, how do I put this politely? White trash comes to mind. But, these are the people I like the most. They give the town a lot of personality and I think a lot of balance. They make to town seem not so beige and that being a friendly neighbor does not require strings. The other half of the town are people who want to live in the town next door but do not have enough money to afford that zip code, so they settle for this town. They only want to associate with people who they believe can further their social climb. These people have a chip on their shoulder because they want the trashy people to clean up their front yards and homes so they can improve their home value and their own sense of monetary value. In short, they have been trying to push these people out of the town so they can create a neo-rich town. During the real estate boom (which has since crashed) they were trying to purchase the trashy people's homes so they could drive them out. Their mentality was "if you can't beat em, buy em."

Every 4th of July this town sounds like it is under attack. The fireworks are insanely loud, but they all stop at about least the really loud ones do. It is predictable and while annoying it gives the town some more flavor. I do not look forward to this "holiday" celebration but I do tolerate it.

So, last night it started at about 5pm and kept going non-stop until 10pm as always. One of neighbors 4 doors (who wants to be rich but is not) down decided that because he was drunk the party should go on all night long (although he was playing Jethro Toll's Aqua Lung versus Lionel Ritchie). These neighbors have redone their house and have quite a tude about anyone who walks past their home. They have an average size home for the neighborhood, but remain less than friendly to most. They are the epitome of people who are trying to be what they are not: privileged and snotty. Everything was fine until he and his party-goers decided to light a box of firecrackers right in front of our house. That's right a box. It was 5 minutes of lights and loud in front of our bedroom window. I lost it...and I mean I LOST IT. It was 11pm and I had enough. So, I tromped outside to give them a piece of my mind. When they told me that they put it in front of our house versus their house because box was "too smokey" my potty mouth unleashed on them. You would have thought this mild mannered but passionate woman had turned completely psychotic....and I did. How rude? How completely inconsiderate? What kind of people are you? All of this but with f-bombs was rattling though my head. What was coming out of my mouth was more like: what kind of people are you? Do you know what f-ing time it is?

Their response was basically drunken blather. I opted not to get into it when they questioned my American patriotism (I'm Native American so best not to go there with me). My parting comment was this: one more firework and I am calling the police. Well, they let off more fireworks. So, I tromp back over there and ask them calmly and politely to stop. Again with more drunken blather. It didn't go well but I controlled by potty mouth.

Now in retrospect I should have called the police instead of just going back over there because in getting elevated I could have given myself a migraine. I should have believed that all of the loud favors they were providing the rest of the neighbors would be returned to them. I have to believe that karma will bite them in their big-pale-wanna-be-rich-but-not-treating-everyone-else-like-they-are-poor butts. I should have thought about this, but after hours of constant explosions who can think clearly? And in all honestly, how much freedom can you claim on the 4th of July after 11pm?

Friday, June 27, 2008

Mean Migraine

Holy Smokes! It was a bad one. It started on Tuesday morning and hit me really hard at about 3am on Wednesday morning. I can never figure out why my migraines hit me in the very early mornings the hardest? You would think with me being relaxed while sleeping the Mean Migraine would be fueling to hit when I have to begin moving around. But nooooooooo, always in the early early mornings. I wake up, feel the pain and the pinch, think "mother *******!!", get up, can't turn on the light because it will hurt, blindly feel around for my meds, find them, take them, call my boss and follow it up with an email (my boss is understanding and I love him for this) and then back to bed. This is when Chris looks at me pained because all he can do is check on me. These migraines really hit more than just me....they domino to many people in my life having to watch me go through this. This image is what I imagine my migraine looks like only not smiling....see what is in his hand? That club bounces through the inside of my head, neck and shoulders.

Anywho, I tried the protein thing again. Ummm, no such luck at all. This was one of my worst ones. Thankfully it lasted only 1 bad day but I really felt like I was going to die. The sound of the neighbors windchimes were like a full scale orchestra in my noggin. They usually make me sleepy. On Wednesday they made me weepy. The cool breeze from the window was making me nauseous. My skin was crawling and my meds were taking way too long to kick in. To add insult to lower back hurts from lying down so much now. Can I pleeeeeze flip the migraine off???

Well, the good news is that I am feeling better now. This is better than normal because I am going to see George Michael tonight and being as willful as I can be I might have tried to tough through the pain just to see him. "Father Figure", "Outside", "Careless Whisper"....oh! I am soooooo there!!! So, thankfully I will not have to tough through anything because I am feeling much better. Well, not much better but comparatively speaking. The hangover of the meds lasts for a few days but I think George Michael will cure that ;)

Saturday, June 21, 2008

I feel....BLAH

It is hot outside. We do not have air conditioning in our house. I had a rough week at work...again. The economy sucks. Chris is in a foul mood. I feel BLAH.

I think I am just emotionally exhausted. When I think about getting up off the couch to address my now consistent struggle with losing these 30 extra pounds that will not exit my body no matter how much yoga and walking I do...when I think about getting off the couch, I just keep thinking "but I don't wanna." All I want to do is sit here all day long and surf the mindless waves of the internet and yep you guessed it, not think about anything. Calgon take me away!!

When I do sit and think what comes to my mind is all of the stuff I should be doing with my life: I should have pursued my art, I should be working towards my masters in Clinical Psych, I should be reading a book, I should be finishing a book I already started, I should be writing my autobiography....should I continue this pity party for one? I can hear the tiny violins playing for my woes now. It's that little song called: Shoulda, coulda, woulda.

My life is blessed, so why do I get into these moods? Oh yeah, because I am human and humans have hormones and feelings. Stress causes the production of additional hormones which make humans feel tired. I am stressed, I am human and I am tired. I feel BLAH. And by the way....we are aloud to feel BLAH from time to time ;)

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Protein strike

A couple of months ago I was talking to a coworker of mine who had a friend who suffered from migraines. He mentioned that his friend abstains from protein right when his symptoms start. Interesting. I researched a tad and did not find anyone really talking about it. I have read a lot about dietary issues with migraines (giving up chocolate or wheat bread seems cruel) but nothing related to protein specifically. 

So, my job is challenging right now. It has got me more stressed than I care to admit. I have been having nightmares and wondering when the migraine shoe was going to drop. Well, it started on Sunday. Our dog locked us out of my dad's condo in 100 degree weather. Yes, you read that correctly. Our dog locked us out. We got back in about 2 hours later but it was quite the ordeal and it was hot. Really hot. So, we are driving back home and we see 2 accidents. This stresses me out. We get home and I take a nap because I can feel the pinch in my shoulder and neck start. I opt not to take any meds, but I did remember the no protein conversation. For dinner I did not have any protein. 

The next day the headache was starting and it was starting bad. I decided to let myself sleep since my body was calling for it and again opted out of protein all day. I did go to work but only worked a half day. That night I felt the pinch again and took my meds. Today I woke up with the medicine head hangover so I slept in again, but I only needed to take ibuprofen. I again avoided protein all day and for dinner. 

As I write now, I know I need to take a muscle relaxer but it's not as bad as it usually is. I hope I am not speaking too soon, but I thought I would share nonetheless. 

Saturday, June 7, 2008

My nephew

He is beautiful. I could not stop staring at him. He has this unusually perfectly formed face, fingers and toes. He was the perfect distraction from a horrible Friday. 

I was called right after I posted my last comment. My job called me and let me know an announcement was coming forth the following day. They had made some difficult decisions and all of the employees were being informed of it on Friday. I opted to come into the office to support my employees and my coworkers. Changes in the workplace are never easy no matter what they are. It always means adjustments. Nonetheless it has happened and I did not really sleep or eat for a few days. 

My partner being the wonderful man that he is assisted me in meeting my nephew and making sure that I celebrated my birthday....and I did. We spent about 2 hours with my nephew and then went to my dad's for some relaxation. A day at the spa and some walks in the heat (Palm Springs is hot!!!) helped me calm down. It was a very nice weekend. 

The rest of my vacation was spent pondering over my job. I am happy to report that no migraines joined my stress party. They stayed away as requested and I made sure that I did not create anything that would have opened the door. Scrabble is a wonderful distraction when you cannot get something off your mind ;)  

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Vacay Baby!

**SIGH** It is my birthday this week...well, I guess technically it is next week since it falls on a Sunday...anyways, I will be 33. I decided my gift to myself will be 7 days off of work. I really need it. I have been uber tired for more months than I can count, I have been working on average of 10 hour days (and I am salaried so no overtime...poop!), my job is moving and so the mood in the office tends to swing, I am trying to keep my employees happy so we can meet our goals for the end of the year and did I mention I am tired? Anywho, I opted to take some time off and treat myself to no obligations for 7 whole days. This work emails and nothing to do with work; it also means I can be vegetable ;)

But, I will not be a vegetable. I am going to go to my yoga classes, walk the dog and spend a few days in Palm Springs. I just get the option to sleep in for each of these days! Maybe my weight issues will take a vacation as well because it has seriously been frustrating me. Wait...I am trying to be positive about this. Let me try that again: I will have a break from thinking about my weight in a negative light during this vacation. Better? Well, it's the best positive outlook I can muster for the moment. Whenever I think of my additional poundage this song comes into my head (sung by Kim Wilde): Set me free why don't you babe, get out my life why don't you babe., oooh hooo, you don't really love me, you just keep me hanging on! Gotta love the 80's!! Well, I sing it to my fat cells....maybe they don't like my singing? I am planning on my headaches and migraines to gift me by not being present for this whole week. I will not sing to them in hopes they do not come around (my singing is pretty bad....but I love to do myself when no one is around).

So, other than sleeping in and keep up with my calorie burning/health routine, I will be meeting my 3 week old nephew this weekend. He is my brother's child and my only nephew...this means he will be spoiled! My brother and I only recently met (that is a whole other post!!!) and now we have a new edition to the family to celebrate. His name is Gabriel and he is quite adorable. And, yes I am completely biased.

I will try to post whilst I relax...but who knows...I may be too lazy to type ;)

Sunday, May 25, 2008

The dog made me do it

I have had what has been one of the most laziest days I have enjoyed in a long time. I woke up at about 7:30am (only because I could not fall back asleep), made my mocha (low-fat), had some breakfast and went back to bed. That's right, I went back to bed. I crawled back under the covers because I had that groggy feeling like I could sleep anywhere. So, because I was at home I figured....why not?

I could not fall back asleep but I did watch "Sex: The Revolution" episode 2 which was fantastic. And, then I watched "The Mannequin" which if you do not remember, is pure 80's pre Sex in The City Kim Cattrell enjoyment. And then, I watched "Nina Takes A Lover" ....well, at least I tried to. Chris decided that I was looking a wee bit relaxed and so opted to get the pooch ready for the daily walkie-poo (we have a Jack Russell Terrier and there is no option but to walk him every day). Well, Jordan (the D-O-G) decides he is going to protest. Whereas seeing his leash and collar usually promotes him into doggie excitement, sometimes when I am sick with a migraine he will refuse to walk and instead insist on laying down with me until I am better. I know...AWWWWWW!!! How cute?? It is very endearing. Today he did the same thing, only I am feeling lazy not sick. 

If you recall, I have been struggling with losing some weight I gained while Chris was getting healthy. I am about 30 lbs overweight and try not to complain about it because I am doing something about it (whether it is working is another post). Think positive! Right? Well, I guess the dog has been listening because he would not budge off my side. Chris would come and get him away from the couch and he would wiggle away and run right back. I started thinking maybe the D-O-G is trying to tell me something: Stop complaining and walk me!!! Ok, ok I get it. I ask Chris if he can wait 10 minutes while I get dressed and brush the polyester off my afternoon unbrushed teeth. Being the supportive (and yummy) man that he is, he agreed. 

So, I got my walking clothes on and went for the walk. It was a lovely walk too. We went on a hike and the flowers were bursting from the trail. Even though the tide was coming in and so....well, the smell does not match the beauty of the flowers it was still lovely. The dog made me do it and I cannot be mad at him for that. 

Friday, May 23, 2008

Freedom Friday...sort of

Happy Friday!!! 

Well, I am still spinning. I have to concur with Deborah that the most fun part of dizziness is closing your It's a ride and I am not even moving. Or when I am just standing and the person I am looking at is swaying...but, they're not. Excuse my victim coming out of me when I have to say "Why ME?????!!!!!!" One of these days I am going to get to the bottom of this and when I do....well, my migraine monster had better watch out!

Other than the constant movement in my head, I have been attending yoga 3x per week and walking the dog about 6 days per week. My boyfriend/partner asked me last night if I am feeling any different (I have been doing the yoga for about 2 months straight now) and my response was an unfortunate "no." I have lost no weight. And, I mean no weight. Not a frickin pound. I am still 157 lbs which is about 30 lbs too much for me and my body. I do not have more energy but I do feel more relaxed. The energy issue may be because I have been fighting virus' consistently (I work in an office = petri dish). The weight issue is not because of my eating habits. Trust me. I have no answer for this one. I cannot cut anymore calories and I do not eat sugar. Who can figure it out? I keep reminding myself that I have to focus on being healthy and I cannot do this without being active. So, I continue to yoga and I continue to walk. 

All of this and I am still happy. The bonus today is that it is Friday. I love Friday's. People are happy and I know that tomorrow is without responsibilities. Even better is knowing that I can sleep past 6am! Oh I love it!! I love the warm feeling of the sheets on me and my pillow. It is so soothing and such a wonderful way to start your day....without an alarm clock.  I even forget that I suffer from headaches/migraines. And....this weekend is a long weekend!!! Whoohoooo!!!!!

Enjoy your weekend...I will be enjoying my mornings sans alarm clock :)

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

It's official....I am a dizzy blonde

Well, I am blonde and I am dizzy. Very dizzy. But, it is not an "oh my God!" dizzy. This is a vertigo dizzy. It's been 2 weeks now and nothing has subsided. It is not worse but it is no better. I keep freaking out because all I read about lately is that migraines can be related to strokes. So, me and my obsessiveness keeps thinking that I am having a stroke everytime I get a spell....which is every other hour. Fun? Yes? No......

The room spins every other hour, if I was 5 years old again this might be amusing. But, I am almost 33 and so it is not at all. Kaiser sent me away with dramamine... the side effects suck and it did not work! So, as I am trying to type I have to keep stopping because I feel like I am going to fall over. My hope is that the Kaiser doctor was right and all I have is a virus.

Wish me luck!

Monday, May 19, 2008

How Do Migraines Affect Me?

This is a great description of what migraines are. It's only about 5 minutes long.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

When I say Oklahoma, you say WHAT!??

My job is moving out of's being moved to Oklahoma. Yes, I said Oklahoma. Doesn't really inspire a "Ohhhh, that sounds like an adventure!" comment, does it? Well, it didn't for me either. Let's see when we think of Oklahoma what comes to mind? A broadway production named Oklahoma, race riots in 1941, a state sentator who recently made an anti-gay comment on the senate floor, a DA who was murdered for being gay last year, gun racks, belt buckle of the bible belt, the Sonics may move there....need I go on?

My hope is that the state has a bad rap. So, I am reaching out to anyone who has been to Oklahoma City or who lives there? What is it like? Do the stereotypes fit? How is the diversity (that is code for how do minorities and gay people get treated)? How is the culture (code for is there any)?

Right now I am feeling disappointed in the company I work for. They released the information to us the same day Oklahoma City newspapers ran the story. So much for letting us know when they know. Despite this, I am considering moving. My family is multi racial and my dad's are gay. Will this fit in? This is the deal breaker for me. If this would be too much of a challenge then I won't move. Did I mention that the company I work for has Diversity as one its Values? I wonder if they will escort me on my way home?

So, if you have any suggestions or comments about Oklahoma City...please let me know. I am trying to remain open but it ain't easy ya'll.

P.s. My vertigo remains aqui. I went to the hospital yesterday...they did nothing and I hope it remains nothing. No migraine today though...YEAH!!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Weather changes, stress and bad sleep equal MIGRAINE MADNESS!

Wow. I was doing really well. I was championing botox injections, going to my yoga classes and walking the dog every day for at least 30 minutes. I was determined to lose weight and really feel good. My life was becoming "normal" again.

"Ah-ha!" Said the migraine. "I have fooled and lulled you into comfort! I am back and bigger than ever. And I brought friends!!" The migraine snickered at me. I had almost, and I really emphasize almost, forgotten how much these 2-3 day ones can hurt. So it started one week ago...I felt it coming on with a vengeance. It was my most unwelcome family member who consistently reminds me of why I dislike them so. It lasted Tuesday through Thursday. But this time, my migraine had a new friend. Allow me to introduce you to Vertigo. Wow. This really one sucks.

I was sitting at my desk and all the sudden the room spun around 1-2x. I sat there with both palms sweating on the desk wondering where that came from. The hangover from that was dizziness for about an hour. It was like I had just gotten off of a boat. This was when I knew it was coming, but I thought....naw! It happened again the next day and I had to run to the bathroom. I decided to stop toughing it and just go home after that one. Not to mention I needed to brush my teeth! I went home and slept for 12 hours; woke up and the pinch in my neck and shoulder were still present which let me ain't over baby!

By Friday it was finally gone. But, Saturday....well, it came back! Why I am so lucky I will never know. I got to enjoy yet another bout through Monday. The migraine and all of its friends: Muscle Pain, Vertigo, Nausea and Photophobia. It was like a great big Latin Party ravaging my poor body. It is now gone again but the effects remain. The intense pain/pinch in my shoulder...I wish I could just pop it and create some space!!! The dizziness is still here so each time I get up I feel like I may lose my feet. And, the after effects would not be complete without the loss of appetite.

I hope the rest of the month is without any sequels.....

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Life in the slow down lane

It was my boyfriends birthday on Friday and so I decided to do something for him that would be fun and new...I took him horseback riding. It was fantastic. We drove out to Topanga Canyon and went on a 2 hour horseback ride. Our guide was an aspiring actor, hence he talked a lot and talked a lot about himself but he was pleasant nonetheless. Overall I would say it was a really nice day.

We arrived at about 10:30 am to an inconspicuous ranch with a long steep driveway you are not allowed to drive down. We start our trek down and notice there are no cameras or cell phones allowed. QUE??? Why? Obligingly we trek back up the hill a few feet and put our camera back in the car. We get down to the bottom of the hill and there is a small veranda with one guy who does not speak English and says nothing to us. We wait for 15 minutes for someone to show up and acknowledge that we are here on time. It was a pleasantly cool morning so it did not bother me too much. I was trying to just be present without a lot of expectation...but I was slightly annoyed.

After finding out the reason our cameras were abandoned was due to insurance reasons (which I understand) I am feeling better. We walk down to meet our horses. HOLY SMOKES! They are huge! I have ridden before but never on something so big. I keep thinking...did I gain this much weight that they are placing me on such a large creature? I was not sure how I was going to get my legs around this horse but I did it. His name was Donkey Pancakes....I am not making this one up. Chris' horse was named Danny. Okie dokie.

We start out on our ride and it was smooth....we just enjoyed the views which were spectacular. We rode on this ridge line that overlooked all of LA. All of the Spring wild flowers were in full bloom...I would have loved to take pictures but couldn't. Purple, pink, yellow, big and small flowers were taking over the landscape on both sides. I was just taking it all in while I was practicing my best calm assertiveness (as taught by Cesar Milan) with the horse. Our guide took a few minutes to stop talking about himself here and there and would comment how well we were doing with the horses and how surprised he was at the behavior of the horses. I am not quite sure the sincerity of these comments because we walked past a rattle snake who was rattling and the horses could not have been less concerned. They were beyond mellow.

So on we go....and then we start into what will be a fateful trot. I am not a big fan of the trot because it is slow/fast and too bouncy. I prefer the cantor which allows you to feel the rhythm of the horse more, but like I said our guide was chatty. So, the trot was without consistency and exceptionally bouncy on these monster size horses. Basically it was no fun.

We finish our ride 2 hours later and feeling relaxed and really hot (it is now 1pm and 90 degrees) we head home. But, not before I almost pass out from a heat stroke. Oh yes, I am heat sensitive with my blond hair, blue eyes and what should be olive skin but is now pale white from staying out of the sun for the last few years. Even though I had on a J-Lo sized floppy hat to protect me I still almost collapsed. A little cold water and calm minutes in the shade and I was good as new.

We get home and confirm it was a ton of fun and something we will have to do again at a different ranch. We have a wonderful dinner from Memphis restaurant and fall into a blissful sleep. But, remember I said the trot was fateful? Well, I woke up Saturday morning barely able to move. My back is jacked! The whole thoracic is spasming as I write....all of this because of a chatty guide, a horse that was much too big for me and a tortuous trot. I am now spending my Sunday in the slow lane.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Stress is not my friend....

Stress and I ....we don't get along. I try to cope with stress but it doesn't seem to beat the beast that starts to pinch that area where my neck and shoulder meet. I try to relax it away. I refuse to let it keep me out of yoga. I try to get enough sleep. It still takes over and forces me to the medicine cabinet; that medicine cabinet that I detest.

The medicine cabinet translates to side effects. It means that I am sleepy and unable to focus...kind of like right now. I am not quite sure why people take these pills for recreation (addiction I do understand) - I hate them. They make me feel like I am not myself. That I am flat emotionally. It's the same reason I don't enjoy alcohol...I don't like feeling as if there is something that affects me mentally or emotionally.

So, here I sit feeling dopey and not wanting to move because it hurts. Stress equals migraines. Migraines equal pain. I am happy that these are few and far between now.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Migraines gone?? Sadly no...'s good, it's just keeps going. I thought I was coasting along after my last round of botox and then a Friday full of stress brings a migraine filled painful night. It left me feeling very defeated. I was feeling that there is never going to be a solution for these unbelievably painful experiences. I was feeling like I am never going to be able to get away from taking medicine to bandaid the experience of migraine.

Because I refuse to stay in that space, I tried to find something that could lift my spirits. I started to focus on the fact that I am not living with headaches everyday which means I am not under a constant threat of a migraine attack. This is a good thing and it is a drastic improvement. I still have that pinch in my shoulder that gives me a headache. And, this is frustrating.

So, up down up down up down. I am reminded that I need to get my stress under control, again. And, I need to continue with all of my movement towards health.

On a positive note...I spent the evening with my brother and his wife last night. They bought a beautiful home and have 3 new puppies (which are the off spring of their other 2 dogs). He is going to be a daddy in 3 months which means that I will be an adoring Aunt in 3 months. Holy smokes! Me? An Aunt? This will be interesting.... ;)

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Spa days are the best days

First....a catch up: I am feeling better. I had my first migraine in sometime last weekend. It was startling how much it; I cannot believe that I lived through these for so long. The headaches that it launched itself from was unbelievably painful. The human body continues to amaze.

I did start the diet and I have not lost any weight to date. Very frustrating but maybe I need to stop thinking about how much weight I have gained and focus on me at my ideal weight. It probably would not hurt if I started walking too.

I received my second round of botox. Man that stuff hurts goin in!!!! It really works though (for the chronic headaches) and the fact that there is no grogginess or medicine head associated with it really has made it very appealling. My periods did stop for 2 months but then I spotted last week quite by surprise...umm, that is no fun.

On Friday I took a self day. Literally. I spent half of the day at a spa (Burke Williams in Orange, CA). I went with a girlfriend who just happened to be celebrating her birthday on this very same day. So, it was a very good excuse to take the day off of work and relax. And, I did relax but it is a stange environment at this particular spa. When I arrived they told me it was European Style. HUH? Oh this is code for naked naked - got it. I am very kewl with that because I detest walking around in a wet bathing suit. So far so good.

The shape of the women's side was kind of a triangle. It has a jacuzzi, steam room, mist room (cold mist) and sauna for women only. The lockers were right next to the sauna and the steam room. The jacuzzi was HUGE and was in the middle but also back up against a wall next to the misting room. Odd. I have to say there was not a lot of flow to the area. A feng shui master probably would say "This room does not have good chi movement." They would be right.

The women were ALL in their bathing suits which made the atmosphere sort of shall I say.... conservative. So, I was a rebel and refused to put on my top. In the jacuzzi, which had way too much chlorine, the women looked at me with some scorn for which I presume was because I was not following their stuffy rules. Oh well. There was no one in the steam room so I could be as free as I wanted to be. The sauna was packed with chatty women covering up the same equipment they all bore. I could get into the whole self love/image but I will resist.

This was the other thing....these women could talk! Not just the guests but the people that worked there. Holy smokes. It was rather loud....with the sound of the jacuzzi in the back ground and the non-stop clacking it was quite difficult to relax. So, I ventured into the lounge room which was supposed to be unisex but I did not see any men in sight. The talkie talkie grew even louder and louder. I wanted to read my book and just be, but it was not to be. I found another waiting room where no one was inside....the opening and closing of the doors along with the employee's constant discussion about the latest TV shows did not make this a quiet room. Even the fabric on the EZ chair was loud (red, blue and yellow zig zags....yick!) So, I gave in, met back with my friend and we chatted the afternoon away. It was nice to have some girl time....but, if you are looking for some self time I would not recommend this place.

The massage was fantastic and needed. We had lunch there and then scooted out...and I was relaxed. Mission accomplished.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

January into February

**SIGH** I'm not feeling too good today. Nothinig to do with my headaches and everything to do with me. My headaches, I am happy to report, have been pretty much undercontrol. This mix of botox and stopping my period seems to work. I still highly recommend botox for people who suffer from tension/migraines.

I don't know if it's because I have been really stressed at work, my crappy day yesterday, or because I realized today that I have been taking care of everyone but myself....but, I feel like I have let myself go and that makes me sad. My weight has been bothering me for sometime, but yesterday it really hit it home.

Yesterday I went and stood in line to meet the producers of Cesar Milan's dog whisperer show. My dog has dog agression and I would love to get this man's advice., my boyfriend and our dog stood in line for 3 hours only to be told to submit our dog online. I would have preferred to meet Cesar which was a shorter line...but, what can ya do? The 3 hours was gone, we got to see Cesar anyways and our dog did pretty well around all those other dogs considering he wanted to kill them. Our dog was for the most part calm.

What made it a crappy day was that my boyfriend did not want to be there and he let me know that through some pretty obvious silent communication. So, silent that he rarely spoke to me the whole time. When I confronted him on this he said he only came to support me. What??? I explained that showing me how annoyed you were for 3 hours does not make me feel supported, it makes me feel as if I have terribly inconvenienced you. I'm not sure this message was received and in all honesty it doesn't matter. I know better than to have him come with me to anything like this again; I would rather stick pins in my eyeballs. What actually ticked me off was the "support" comment. It ticked me off because I was reminded that sometimes the support provided in this relationship is not always balanced. I have been his morale support for a long time, but I have not been that same strength to myself. I became enraged at the thought that I was not taking care of and loving myself.....and now I sound like a sound bite on Oprah. AGGGGHHHHH!

I got down on myself for about 6 hours and then woke up this morning and decided to try something to get this weight off. I am going to support and care for myself. I am not going to wait for the support or expect the support to come from some place else. No more placing someone else first so I don't have to pay attention to my own needs, it's time to ease up on the deflection and dive into reflection. Corny, yes but I gotta do it.

I will keep you posted.....wish me luck!

Monday, January 14, 2008

Le Definition....part one

I would have to say this is one of the better defininations of a migraine I have seen. It is somewhat lengthy but worth the read. Please go directly to the website for the references as I have ommitted them for space purposes. I have also edited some of the content. This was taken from

"Migraine is a neurological disease that can cause a wide range of symptoms during an attack. The most commonly thought of symptom is headache. It is widespread in the population. In the U.S., 18% of women and 6% of men report having had at least one migraine episode in the previous year, with seriousness ranging from an annoyance to a life-threatening and/or daily experience. Periodic or unpredictable disability can cause poverty due to patients' inability to hold down a job. Overview Usually migraine causes episodes of severe or moderate headache (which is often one-sided and pulsating) lasting from several hours to three days, accompanied by gastrointestinal upsets, such as nausea and vomiting, and a heightened sensitivity to bright lights (photophobia) and noise (phonophobia).

Approximately one third of people who experience migraine get a preceding aura. The word migraine is French in origin and comes from the Greek hemicrania, as does the Old English term megrim. Literally, hemicrania means "half (the) head". Migraines' secondary characteristics are inconsistent.

Triggers precipitating a particular episode of migraine vary widely. The efficacy of the simplest treatment, applying warmth or coolness to the affected area of the head, varies between persons, sometimes worsening the migraine. A particular migraine rescue drug may sometimes work and sometimes not work in the same patient. Some migraine types don't have pain or may manifest symptoms in parts of the body other than the head. Available evidence suggests that migraine pain is one symptom of several to many disorders of the serotonergic control system, a dual hormone-neurotransmitter with numerous types of receptors. Two disorders — classic migraine with aura (MA, STG) and common migraine without aura (MO, STG) — have been shown to have a genetic factor. Studies on twins show that genes have a 60 to 65% influence on the development of migraine (PMID 10496258 and PMID 10204850 ). Additional migraine types are suspected and could be proven to be genetic. Migraine understood as several or many disorders could explain the inconsistencies, especially if a single patient has more than one genetic type. However, still other migraine types might be functionally acquired due to hormone organ disease or injury. Three quarters of adult migraine patients are female, although pre-pubertal migraine affects approximately equal numbers of boys and girls. This reveals the strong correlation to hormonal cycling and hormonal-related causes or triggers. Hormonal migraine is a likely consequence of periodically falling hormone levels causing reduction in protein biosynthesis of metabolic components including intestinal tract serotonin.

Part deux

Classification Migraines have been classified by the International Headache Society which periodically revises their classification. [edit] Defining severity of pain In addition to classifying the type of headache, the International Headache Society defines intensity of pain on a verbal 4 point scale:
0 no pain 1 mild pain 'does not interfere with usual activities'
2 moderate pain 'inhibits, but does not wholly prevent usual activities'
3 severe pain 'prevents all activities' [edit]

Migraine without aura This is the most commonly seen form of migraine; patients who primarily suffer from migraine without aura may also have attacks of migraine with aura. According to the International Classification of Headache Disorders it is a recurrent headache disorder manifesting in attacks lasting 4-72 hours. Typical characteristics of the headache are unilateral location, pulsating quality, moderate or severe intensity, aggravation by routine physical activity and association with nausea and/or photophobia and phonophobia. In order to diagnose migraine without aura, there must have been at least five attacks not attributable to another cause that fulfill the following criteria:
1. Headache attacks lasting 4-72 hours when untreated
2. At least two of the following characteristics: Unilateral location Pulsating quality Moderate or severe pain intensity Aggravation by or causing avoidance of routine physical activity
3. During the headache there must be at least one of the following associated symptom clusters: Nausea and/or vomiting Photophobia and phonophobia Where these criteria are not fully met, the problem may be classified as "probable migraine without aura" but other diagnoses such as "episodic tension type headache" must also be excluded.

Part Tres

Migraine with aura
This is the second most commonly seen form of migraine: patients who primarily suffer from migraine with aura may also have attacks of migraine without aura. According to the International Classification of Headache Disorders it is a recurrent disorder manifesting in attacks of reversible focal neurological symptoms that usually develop gradually over 5-20 minutes and last for less than 60 minutes. Headache with the features of "migraine without aura" usually follows the aura symptoms. Less commonly, the aura may occur without a subsequent headache or the headache may be non-migrainous in type.In order to diagnose migraine with aura, there must have been at least two attacks not attributable to another cause that fulfill the following criteria:
1. Aura consisting of at least one of the following, but no muscle weakness or paralysis:Fully reversible visual symptoms (e.g. flickering lights, spots, lines, loss of vision)Fully reversible sensory symptoms (e.g. pins and needles, numbness)Fully reversible dysphasia (speech disturbance)
2. Aura has at least two of the following characteristics:Visual symptoms affecting just one side of the field of vision and/or sensory symptoms affecting just one side of the bodyAt least one aura symptom develops gradually over more than 5 minutes and/or different aura symptoms occur one after the other over more than 5 minutesEach symptom lasts from 5-60 minutes. Where these criteria are not fully met, a diagnosis of "probable migraine with aura" may be considered, although other neurological causes must also be excluded. If the picture complies with the criteria but includes one-sided muscular weakness or paralysis, a diagnosis of "sporadic hemiplegic migraine" or "familial hemiplegic migraine" should be considered.[edit] Basilar type migraineBasilar type migraine (BTM), formerly known as basilar artery migraine (BAM) or basilar migraine (BM), is an uncommon type of complicated migraine with symptoms that result from brainstem dysfunction. Serious episodes of BTM can lead to stroke, coma, or even death. The use of triptans and other vasoconstrictors as abortive treatments in BTM is contraindicated. Abortive treatments for BTM often focus on vasodilation and restoration of normal blood flow to the vertebrobasilar territory and subsequent return of normal brainstem function.[edit]

Familial hemiplegic migraine
Familial hemiplegic migraine 'FHM' is a type of migraine with a possible polygenetic component. These migraine attacks may last 4-72 hours and are apparently caused by ion channel mutations, three types of which have been identified to date. Patients who experience this syndrome have relatively typical migraine headaches preceded and/or accompanied by reversible limb weakness on one side as well as visual, sensory or speech difficulties. A non-familial form exists as well, "sporadic hemiplegic migraine" (SHM). It is often difficult to make the diagnosis between basilar-type migraine and hemiplegic migraine. When making the differential diagnosis is difficult, the deciding symptom is often the motor weakness or unilateral paralysis which can occur in FHM or SHM. While basilar-type migraine can present with tingling or numbness, true motor weakness and/or paralysis occur only in hemiplegic migraine.

Abdominal migraine
According to the International Classification of Headache Disorders abdominal migraine is a recurrent disorder of unknown origin which occurs mainly in children. It is characterised by episodes of moderate to severe central abdominal pain lasting 1-72 hours. There is usually associated nausea and vomiting but the child is entirely well between attacks.
In order to diagnose abdominal migraine, there must be at least five attacks, not attributable to another cause, fulfilling the following criteria:
1. Attacks lasting 1-72 hours when untreated
2. Pain must have ALL of the following characteristics:Location in the midline, around the umbilicus or poorly localisedDull or 'just sore' qualityModerate or severe intensity
3. During an attack there must be at least two of the following:Loss of appetiteNauseaVomitingPallorMost children with abdominal migraine will develop migraine headache later in life and the two may co-exist during adolescence.

Acephalgic migraine
Acephalgic migraine is a neurological syndrome. It is a variant of migraine in which the patient may experience aura symptoms such as scintillating scotoma, nausea, photophobia, hemiparesis and other migraine symptoms but does not experience headache. Acephalgic migraine is also referred to as amigrainous migraine, ocular migraine, or optical migraine.Sufferers of acephalgic migraine are more likely than the general population to develop classical migraine with headache.The prevention and treatment of acephalgic migraine is broadly the same as for classical migraine. However, because of the absence of "headache", diagnosis of acephalgic migraine is apt to be significantly delayed and the risk of misdiagnosis significantly increased.Visual snow might be a form of acephalgic migraine.If symptoms are primarily visual, it may be necessary to consult an ophthalmologist to rule out potential eye disease before considering this diagnosis.

Menstrual migraine
Menstrual migraine is distinct from other migraines. Approximately 21 million women in the US suffer from migraines, and about 60% of them suffer from menstrual migraines.There are two types of menstrual migraine – Menstrually Related Migraine (MRM) and Pure Menstrual Migraine (PMM)MRM is a headache of moderate-to-severe pain intensity that happens around the time of a woman’s period and at other times of the month as well.PMM is similar in every respect but only occurs around the time of a woman’s period.The exact causes of menstrual migraine are uncertain but evidence suggest there may be a link between menstruation and migraine due to the drop in estrogen levels that normally occurs right before the period starts.Menstrual migraine has been reported to be more likely to occur during a five-day window, from two days before to two days after menstruation.When compared with migraines that occur at other times of the month, menstrual migraines have been reported toLast longer—up to 72 hoursBe more severeOccur more often with nausea and vomitingBe more difficult to treat—occur more frequently

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Rain Rain Rain ....YEAH!

It has been raining for 3 days and I love it! It is so dry in Southern California that any rain feels like a good cleaning. They said it was going to be flooding but all I have seen is some damp roadways. Granted we have had some moments of downpour but it is nothing like what Nothern California receives.

On that note....I am on way up to Northern California for a business trip. These are usually somewhat stale as you usually are spoken at versus spoken to. I am sure we will have some type of motivational speaker but for the most part it will be sitting and schmoozing. The hardest part is just being away from home. The nice part is one of my girlfriends is having a baby shower on the Saturday I will be up there so I will get to go.

I am committed to get my stress level down. Having my boob examined on Tuesday for cancer (aka a lump) does not assist in this, but I suppose it needs to be completed. Anywho, I am committed to decreasing my stress and thus I have scheduled a day off next month so I can go to a spa all day. YEAH BABY! YEAH! When I get back from my trip I will reintroduce yoga to my destressing repetoir. I am determined to lose this muffin I have acquired just above my hips.

As for my headaches....they remain under contol. This whole plan to stop my periods seems to be having a bigger effect on my breasts (they hurt from the extra hormones). I am not sure when my normal period is supposed to happen (I think it is in 2 weeks). My fingers remained crossed that I will skip a migraine with my period.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008're here?

Wow....I am always surprised when the new year is here. I am always shocked at how quickly the year has flown by and reminded that when I was a child how slowly time seemed to move. I wonder if this is an effect of being a child and can't wait for time to speed up but when you're an adult you are trying to slow time down. As an adult you need more time....more time to get your job done and more time for yourself.

Sometimes I wonder if we had more of a European sense of time and quality of life, would we better off? When you walk the streets of Paris you have the distinct sense that their jobs do not consume them, stress them or dictate their lives. Certainly they are present when they are working and take their jobs seriously, but it is not what defines them. The whole country recently when on strike because their President was trying to lengthen the work day.

This is my hope for the new year....that my fight against the migraine will win, that my job will cease to be so consuming, that I will gain some direction, and that I will keep my promise to myself to lose weight. If you can't keep your promises to yourself, who can you trust?

My migraine this last month was not as bad as it normally is. The botox is still working. So, in that sense....I am winning. 2008 is going to be a great year!