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I am laughing through pain. That's right. I am laughing at my pain. Oh wait - this really does hurt.


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Sunday, April 19, 2009

Semi better

Sunday's are just a beautiful day....always. No matter what the weather is, I always find Sunday's are unbelievably attractive. 

My back is about half way better....I start physical therapy soon and I am hoping this will greatly improve the strength and kick away sciatica forever! We shall see......I really need to get back into my yoga. I didn't have all these physical ailments when I was doing yoga...migraines yes, but knee and back 

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Still Hurting

My back is feels like it is never going to get better. Stupid sciatica. 

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Change of Scenery

You may have noticed my page has changed. The photo is not me, but the four legs probably gave it away. I opted to take the personal "me" out of the page. I am debating creating another blog (probably too many to handle if I do) that does not have any traces of my ID in it. I don't doubt that my job may be reading this blog and with my sometimes inability to filter thoughts, it seemed a good idea to lay a little low with the personal me. It might be too late, but hey I can always claim "Huh?? That was bad??"

On to my health issues............the drugs work. Totally work. I can actually walk with the pharmaceuticals cruising through my blood stream. The back spasms are no joke. There were lines of pain running marathons from my back to my thigh. I will be completing physical therapy as soon as the inflammation calms down. If I can stay awake (muscle relaxers make me a little groggy), I have a date with the new Vanity Fair.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009


Oh me oh my. So, I have been having some pretty painful lower back issues over the last month that have peaked as of this last Friday. After 2 days of not going into the office I finally went to the doctor. I have now been diagnosed with sciatica...which aside from being difficult to spell sucks big know the rest. And, it gets even better. The doctor I saw clearly could see my pain and she was by all definitions kind soul. She also took me off work for the rest of the week. This freaked me out because I can work, I just can't sit. I have been working for the past 2 days from home with no problem. My boss told me plainly that I had to shut down the lap top.

At first the little rebel in me thought: uhhh huuuuh you can't tell me what to do. Then, I thought about it and even though I cringe at having to use my Paid Time Off it is probably better for me to take the time off. Work has been so unbelievably stressful. I won't get into it, but it has been STRESSFUL! Lots-o-change!!! I really do believe my body is performing a coup for me to sit my butt down and relax. And so I am....I have a date with my book, my garden and with some meditation...oh yeah and some Oprah!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Ambitious Ambitions

Oh me oh my. If there is one thing I lack in my life it is clear direction. Oh, I put on a good front of "I know what, when and how I want it" but the truth is I really don't. Once I had my chart read and was told that I have absolutely no earth in my chart. None. So, this makes it hard for me to feel grounded. Well, I have to say he hit it right on the head with that one. I almost never feel grounded and I always feel like I am just kind of floating. Whimiscal would best describe it.

As of lately, I am back to thinking/pondering/focusing on obtaining my Masters degree. Where will I get the money to fund this? How will we live without my salary? Would this mean we would have to downsize? Can I find another job in California so we do not have to move to Oklahoma and I can go to grad school? This is just a small sampling of what my mind tends to do when left to my own devices. All over the place.

I know that I am good at listening and helping people through counseling (I have a few unofficial clients at work). I loved working in the prison system researching ways to make it better. How do I combine these? I would really like to obtain my PhD in Clinical Psych, but how I could fund this I have no idea. I would also love to be researching inmate issues within the prison system. Specifically HIV infections. I have dabbled in this before and it was the happiest job I have had.

Well, I am putting it out there universe: I am really to be a mother, I want to have a fulfilling career and I want this not to be a burden on our financial health.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Lo Que Sea Con Amor

It amazes me what we can take when we love someone. I recently was speaking to a friend who had, what I would say, a very happy marriage with the man she never thought she would find. She described to me what happened to her recently on Valentines Day. She was at work and had forgotten her cell phone at home. So, she decided to send her husband a lovey text message. She received an expected response from her husband with another woman's name sprinkled with pet names she had never been called. Infuriated, scared, saddened and alone she confronted her husband who confessed that he had reconnected with an old high school fling (the man is 45 years old). Nothing physical had happened because his long lost love lives in another state. What he added to his confessional was his wanting for a divorce. Now, this was surprising because the day prior he went through a ritual of telling said wife of how much he adored her and could not believe his fortune that she loved him too. This was a ritual he endured for 7 years of what he called his bliss. Now the woman he had always described as love of his life, he confessed, was not a good person, she is shallow and he cannot imagine wanting a child with her. He told her to choose between a baby and their marriage. Loco? Claro que si.

He proposed to her with a fairy tale proposal. It was her birthday and he took her to their favorite bed and breakfast. When they walked into the room there were rose petals peppered on the bed. They lovingly framed a vintage Dior dress. She was enchated. She put the dress on and they went down to dinner. The restaurant had been bought out for them. Their servers were her best friends. After a lovely dinner, she was presented with a framed poem he had written professing his love and adoration. He then presented her with a 6 karat engagement ring that he designed. The waterfalls started from her friends standing by. After a tearful yes a carriage pulled up and they were taken on a romantic 2 hour ride. The night was not yet over...when she got back to their room more rose petals. This time they lined a La Perla nightgown perfect for finishing the most perfect night.

So, for 7 years they have had beauty and challenges. No different than any other relationship with the exception that she had no doubt their love would not waiver. When this changed direction is impossible to pinpoint. When he decided that after 4 years of convincing her that children would be a blessing in their lives to now saying children is not something he can even fathom is also impossible to pinpoint.

I write this to only say what I relayed to my disturbed friend. There is a lesson in everything no matter how painful that lesson may be. My friend has not given up on her marriage. She is going to try everything she can to save it. I don't think her lesson has defined itself yet, but I do believe this is saving her from something later. She never wanted children until she met her husband and now she had most decidely opted not to be forced into a decision that would cut her off from something she has opened to. Her fairly tale has not ended. All fairy tales have a challenges their heros must overcome.