Dragon Days....

I am almost one month headache free...which quite frankly says a lot given it is the holidays. I have been converted to a HUGE fan of botox!

So, next week is my usual guaranteed migraine. The OBGyn has suggested I halt my periods to see if it is a hormonal issue. The funny thing is that he kept asking if I "understood" what he was saying....I felt like saying "Duh! I am the one who feels the hormone shift!!" but instead I was good and just responded that yes I very much understood what he was trying to do. So, we shall see if the answer has been found. I have, however, become resigned to that if I have a migraine once a month and it is due to being on birth control...well, then that is ok. It is better than having a child that I am not ready for.

I still don't know what the boob surgeon is going to be about and the anxiety remains. It seems that even after my first "consult" I will still not know what it going to happen. I wonder if these doctors know what this anxiety feels like? To continue to wait and not know is quite frustrating.

Anywho....for right now I sit and try to occupy my mind with some other thought.

Soon-day

Not feeling too good today. I don't have a headache (yeah!!) but I have a touch of the blues.

They found another lump in my breast. No panini machine this time - I get to make an appointment with a "breat surgeon." I don't know what that means, but it does not sound good. There is a chance it will decrease my migraines.

Excuse me while I enjoy my pity party for one...I feel blah.

p.s. The botox is working like a charm!!

Disappointment

So, I am cruising along for 4 wonderful days with no headache. Awesome!! What a strange sensation to feel normal. It was so beautiful I can't even put it into words. And then....came my periord and everything was ok for that day. Optimism was becoming the norm. Then I woke up the following morning with the dreaded evil thoughtless migrain. Mother b****es!!!! Why me??? It stayed with me through the entire Thanksgiving holiday. So, while my loves ones were enjoying each others company I was medicated and miserable.

After Saturday I was ok, but the disappointment still lingers. My daily headaches have diminished and for that I am thankful. The botox really seems to have assisted with that. I now will be looking to see if altering my birthcontrol will assist. Keeping my fingers crossed again.

Day 2 of the Botox Experience

I can feel the muscles in my forehead starting to freeze up. It feels....I dunno, strange? I have no headache and I did not wake up with space between my eyebrows swollen and hurting. This was the first in some time I have not had to rub my temple to ease the muscle when I first wake up.

One small thing did happen and I have no idea if it is related or not. I was just finishing my breakfast, I turned my head quickly and I got really dizzy like I was about to pass out. I had to place both hands on the dining table to sort of brace myself. It lasted for a few minutes. I started to think...if this is related to the shots I received in the back of my head, I wonder if it is worth it. My feeling is...I think so.

Anyways....I still feel good and I usually can feel the begining of a headache the Saturday before my period. I remain optimistic!

1 day post Botox

Oh my goodness it hurt! Stung like little bees!! I got more injections than I can count in my forehead and the back of my head. I'm not sure if it was the endorphins or the injection that is not supposed to work for 7-10 days, but my headache 80% disappeared. Today my headache was about 80% gone.

Now, to be fair....I am right before my period and I usually feel pretty good right before for about one day. I am hoping the botox is working....my neck certainly does not hurt as much as it usually does and that has not happened without a muscle relaxer in a long time.

So we shall see. I will keep this updated. I am cautiously optimistic. I really hope this works!

Botox Thursday

I had somewhat of an annoying day today. It is Friday and all should be happy - right? It was not until the end of the day when someone said some grossly inappropriate things to me that kind of threw me off. Then when I come home and try to vent to my boyfriend and he takes a phone call in the middle of my vent. I am annoyed and fighting off a headache. My normal escape has annoyed me as well.

Anyways....after one more back and forth between my doctor's nurses, finally I am going to try the botox on my forehead and likely the back of my head. I am hoping it will help alleviate the constant headache. Then, I am going to make an appointment with my OBGyn and talk about my birth control pills. I am also thinking that it is possible my thyroid might be an issue.

I don't know...my mind is sort of racing right now over todays events at work which has now continued at home.

Sunday fall back Sunday

Well it is Sunday and although I have had a relatively pain free weekend (meaning Saturday) the previous week sucked. According to my boyfriend I am squinching my eyebrows when I sleep to the point that my head is shaking. So not bueno. Funny thing is, he does not have to tell me this because my third eye hurts when I wake up.

So, I called my neurologist last Monday and I have since gone through multiple back and forth messages over the same thing "Yes, this is Tina from Kaiser and I was calling to clarify the discussion you wanted to have with the doctor about botox. "4 times they called and 4 times I provided the same response "It is exactly as I explained the last time....my headaches are not improving and I am unwilling to go on any medication that affects my cognitive functioning. "

I am not quite sure how this could be confusing but apparently it is so confusing they keep calling back. The doctor does not call back but the nurse's assistants do. My hunch is that this has everything to do with their 24 hour call back requirement and nothing to do with being a complete idiot unskilled in the English language. As my smarter than me boyfriend opines: in their effort to streamline customer service they have frustrated the customer.

Like a good patient I have been taking my muscle relaxers at night in an attempt to save myself from headaches in the morning....it's not working. I sleep well and my shoulder is not as achy as normal but my headaches persist.

The question for me remains why. Why do I have headaches? Why me? Why is there no answer? I figure that if I found an answer for my asthma (yoga), then I can find an answer for this ailment. It cannot be that impossible. They told me that yoga was an unknown ailment. They didn't know what caused it and there was no cure. Well, they tell me the same thing about migraines. I didn't believe them about the asthma and I do not believe them about migraines or headaches either.

Ouch

It's my week to get a migraine and I have been fighting one off since Monday. It won today.

I was good. I have taken my rescue medicine at the first hint, my muscle relaxers at night and I have been resting. Last night it would not stop. Anything I took didn't work and as of now it has only mildly subsided....except when I move around.

I really hate this. Not a mild dislike, but I hate it. There is never an ok time for a migraine to hit and it has me so freaked out that the slightest headache and I fear one coming on. Of course, the fires in Southern California do not help the situation at all.

Dragon Days

It's Saturday and although my promises to myself of writing more often with this blog, my source of income remains both a priority and time consuming. Alas, the blog remains on the back burner.

The good news is that last week I was relatively headache free. They would start, I would slow down and the headache, for the most part, would subside. My period is coming next week and so I am anticipating the migraine, but I am hopeful that I will be spared this month.

Maybe part of my unusual relief this week is final acceptance that my j-o-b causes a lot of stress (and I say this as I am contemplating checking my work email and knowing I will have to go in on a Saturday soon). I am finally acknowledging that I am not always able to shake it off. I do enjoy what I am doing but there is a part of me that feels like I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing. This also causes me stress. Maybe my way out of migraines is through therapy? The irony is I think that may be my passion. The thought of taking out more school loans inhibits me from the pursuit. We shall see....

For now, my quest to find the cause behing my migraines remains.

Almost headache free Friday

I had a pretty crappy day yesterday at work. It was stressful and I left work feeling really annoyed. So, I came home and of course my honey was is as he always is: awesome. I forgot about it until I went to bed. I couldn't fall asleep, I couldn't stay asleep and then I woke up with a headache. Oh no! Not on a Friday!!! I stayed in bed a little longer determined not to take any medicine and even more determined to get rid of this headache.

So, I did it! I relaxed my way out of the headache and then left the house for the office intending to have a non-stressful day despite knowing what was ahead for me (meaning, I knew the day ahead of me was going to be very frustrating). I actually managed to maintain it throughout the day.

I feel really good right now and I have not felt this good in a couple of months. Yes, it is only one day but after so many crappy days today feels like gold. I am going to try some yoga tomorrow since I am feeling good. I have not done yoga for about 2 months...can we say happy?? :)

Anywho - I feel good. I feel really good. I don't have a tinge of a headache right now and I don't feel like I am fighting off the flu. YEAH!!!

Friday yeah!

Wow did this week suck! I started off as a friggin space cadet on medication that made me feel like poop, then I go off of the medication and get a cold, the cold gives me a fever which gives me a headache which turns into a migraines and oh yeah work sucked too.

This is the reason I love Mondays. It is the start of a new week and you can leave all the yicky stuff from the week prior behind. Even better than Mondays are Fridays. Fridays represent the ability to rest, reflect and just be. With all of the health issues I have been having lately, Fridays are my saviors. Fridays allow my body 2 days to recuperate.

So this weekend, like most weekends, I will rest and try not to exert too much energy so I don't get a headache. My poor boyfriend is left trying to make sure I am ok and me trying to muster up some energy to actually get out of the house and do something.

Here's to hoping next week is better.

Adios Topamax!!!

Hasta la bye bye to Topamax. That's right, the neurologist's nurse called me back and said I was to stop taking it tonight. But, apparently she failed to listen to me or look at my history because she wants me to take Pamelor now....which I took 2 years ago and it did not work. So, what now? I don't know. I await yet another phone call.

What is Pamelor you ask? Specifically it is an antidepressant that is also used to treat chronic illness. I took it for 3 months with no side effects except that it did not work.

What is quite frustrating is that I keep telling her that I am sensitive to medicine and she keeps trying to give me high doses for pharmaceuticals. It seriously bothers me when a doctor does not listen to you. Do I not know my body better than you? Ummmm, yes I do. And, please listen to me when I give you some very important information when it comes to my body and what you are asking me to put in it.

Anywho - it's been a frustrating day but the good news is my spaciness will be going away.

Medicine Sensitiva

I have been on Topamax now for 5 days and I have to say I do not like it at all. Actually....I kinda despise it. The side effects are not working for me one bit. I feel dazed, unable to concentrate/focus, I have no appetite so my blood sugar is low which makes me feel weak and I feel emotionally flat. Basically my wit is gone and I feel like crapola!

I called my neurologist and left a message describing the above. We shall see what she says. While I recognize that I am very medicine sensitive (when they placed me on tenormin, they put me on a dosage that was what you would put a small child on), I do not want to be on medicine that makes me feel like I am not myself at all.

Monday through Friday I am required to be attentive and respond to questions from my employees. Today I found that I was totally unable to focus and be present for my unit. They were all looking at me like "where are you?" And I was thinking, "In space."

Wish me luck. I took one half of a pill tonight. I am hoping the doctora simply says to stop.

I challenge thee migraine

A little background.... I had my first migraine in 2000. I have no idea what triggered it but I do know that they have gotten progressively worse since that time. Mostly they come with my period but they also come with stress.

What I plan to do with this blog is memorialize what I have been through, what I am trying and how it is working. I want to share some of the research I have done through the web and through books, because quite honestly a lot of it is redundant and completely useless. I will keep this one short and add my history later (with experiences, etc). This first one is only meant to be the appetizer.

It was only within the last 2 years I have been seeking out what causes these devilish occurrences and how I can stop them. I have tried chiropractic treatment because the migraines start on my occipital nerve. I continued this until one treatment resulted in a 3 day flair up. So not bueno. After several trips to the emergency room and many shots of morphine with a chaser of phenergan (an anti-nausea medicine) I then tried prescription medication only; also known as "rescue medicine." I hate it. Did I mention that I hate it? They make me feel terribly blah, flat and totally unaffected. But, they work. I started with Imitrex (which did not work) and then tried Amerge (which works most of the time). More on the medical list later....

I then tried acupuncture, acupressure, aura cleansing massage and yoga. All of them worked a little. But, in the long run when my period came so did the migraine. (Although I do have to say is that when I am consistent with my yoga I do not have an asthma attack or need to use my inhalers.) So, now I am back to the doctor and have agreed to go on a preventative medicine called Topamax.

Topamax is an anti-seizure medication that has had a side effect of preventing migraines. I am clearly on a desperate trail. The side effects of Topamax are: dizziness, weight loss, forgetfulness, and it keeps getting better. Basically it effects some of your cognitive functions because it works on your brain. I have been on it for 3 days now and this is the first day that I do not feel totally in outer space. Mind you....I still feel pretty hazy but I am not asking my boyfriend "What??" everytime he speaks to me. Which has proven to be frustrating even for our pooch.

Anywho...my motive for this blog is due to a bullshit book I bought and returned on migraines. I wanted to lend a helping virtual hand to my fellow sufferers on what definitely not to spend your cash on.