Stories of Love

Sooo, on the blog that I have been cheating on this blog with I have been writing (or better yet, starting to write) my story. I have found that it has been a difficult and yet easy thing to open up and be so vulnerable. I have had to think about how some of my words may affect my family, reconcile that this is my story from my perspective and take the leap to just write it. It has been actually very freeing. I am feeling closer to my mother than I ever have in getting this out. I kinda wish she was alive to read it, but I have a feeling she may not have understood it.

The interesting effect of my unloading is my headaches while still frequent have not been as severe. I have had minor migraines but nothing that early medication cannot catch in time. I wonder if allowing myself to be so vulnerable while inviting friends and family to read this has been healing me in some sense. Maybe I will get to that memoir after all?

On a separate note, I would like to send my love to the Jackson family. Michael was such an important part of music and culture. I do not know one person who has not had an event in their life framed by his art. I will miss him greatly but I am so thankful for what he has left us. As a good friend of mine said so eloquently: Tha Man Made Thriller!!!

Neglectful

My apologies....I have been cheating on my blog with another blog. Unfortunately, this new blog has been getting some really good feedback so it's encouraging me to write more on the other blog. So, I offer my apologies and invite you to read my other blog along with this one. 

My migraines have been unchanged - they still are coming around my period and they still hurt like hell. In my employment I read medical records where people have to state on a scale from one to ten how bad is their pain for a soft tissue injury...they almost alway scale it at a 10. Yeah right. I think about my migraines and I can honestly say that the feeling of my face falling off is one of the worst feelings I have ever had and I still would not state it was a 10...possibly a 9 but not a 10. My sympathy for them is, shall I say, minor. 

My back is doing better. The physical therapy is actually really helping. They have discovered that my right hip is one inch higher than the left, thus causing my back pain because it makes my sciatic knots REALLY big. 

I hope everyone is feelin good and welcoming the Spring coming in. Keep checkin back on me...I will continue to update. 

Semi better

Sunday's are just a beautiful day....always. No matter what the weather is, I always find Sunday's are unbelievably attractive. 

My back is about half way better....I start physical therapy soon and I am hoping this will greatly improve the strength and kick away sciatica forever! We shall see......I really need to get back into my yoga. I didn't have all these physical ailments when I was doing yoga...migraines yes, but knee and back problems....no. 

Still Hurting

My back is jacked...it feels like it is never going to get better. Stupid sciatica. 

Change of Scenery

You may have noticed my page has changed. The photo is not me, but the four legs probably gave it away. I opted to take the personal "me" out of the page. I am debating creating another blog (probably too many to handle if I do) that does not have any traces of my ID in it. I don't doubt that my job may be reading this blog and with my sometimes inability to filter thoughts, it seemed a good idea to lay a little low with the personal me. It might be too late, but hey I can always claim "Huh?? That was bad??"

On to my health issues............the drugs work. Totally work. I can actually walk with the pharmaceuticals cruising through my blood stream. The back spasms are no joke. There were lines of pain running marathons from my back to my thigh. I will be completing physical therapy as soon as the inflammation calms down. If I can stay awake (muscle relaxers make me a little groggy), I have a date with the new Vanity Fair.

Laid.....Up

Oh me oh my. So, I have been having some pretty painful lower back issues over the last month that have peaked as of this last Friday. After 2 days of not going into the office I finally went to the doctor. I have now been diagnosed with sciatica...which aside from being difficult to spell sucks big donkey...you know the rest. And, it gets even better. The doctor I saw clearly could see my pain and she was by all definitions kind soul. She also took me off work for the rest of the week. This freaked me out because I can work, I just can't sit. I have been working for the past 2 days from home with no problem. My boss told me plainly that I had to shut down the lap top.

At first the little rebel in me thought: uhhh huuuuh you can't tell me what to do. Then, I thought about it and even though I cringe at having to use my Paid Time Off it is probably better for me to take the time off. Work has been so unbelievably stressful. I won't get into it, but it has been STRESSFUL! Lots-o-change!!! I really do believe my body is performing a coup for me to sit my butt down and relax. And so I am....I have a date with my book, my garden and with some meditation...oh yeah and some Oprah!

Ambitious Ambitions

Oh me oh my. If there is one thing I lack in my life it is clear direction. Oh, I put on a good front of "I know what, when and how I want it" but the truth is I really don't. Once I had my chart read and was told that I have absolutely no earth in my chart. None. So, this makes it hard for me to feel grounded. Well, I have to say he hit it right on the head with that one. I almost never feel grounded and I always feel like I am just kind of floating. Whimiscal would best describe it.

As of lately, I am back to thinking/pondering/focusing on obtaining my Masters degree. Where will I get the money to fund this? How will we live without my salary? Would this mean we would have to downsize? Can I find another job in California so we do not have to move to Oklahoma and I can go to grad school? This is just a small sampling of what my mind tends to do when left to my own devices. All over the place.

I know that I am good at listening and helping people through counseling (I have a few unofficial clients at work). I loved working in the prison system researching ways to make it better. How do I combine these? I would really like to obtain my PhD in Clinical Psych, but how I could fund this I have no idea. I would also love to be researching inmate issues within the prison system. Specifically HIV infections. I have dabbled in this before and it was the happiest job I have had.

Well, I am putting it out there universe: I am really to be a mother, I want to have a fulfilling career and I want this not to be a burden on our financial health.