I love Saturdays....when I feel good!

So, I feel pretty good today. I bought a treadmill and I have been using it. I actually really like it....way better than walking through my neighborhood. My neighborhood, as you may have previously read, is colorful. I live close to the beach so maybe it is that when I see all the telephone wires it doesn't compare to walking along the beach and thus I don't like walking in my neighborhood. It's difficult to explain but I can get lost when walking at the beach....my thoughts just go and it is lovely. Walking in my neighborhood.....it's noisy, there are a lot of telephone wires and the yards are not always very pretty. No likey.

Anywho, I bought this treadmill that connects to my ipod and has a fan. What more do you need? A little Cameo "It's like Candy!", some cool air and a 4% incline....life is good! I have not shed any pounds but I do feel good. It alleviates a little stress which is awesome. I also went to my neurologist and talked about what meds I can take if I get pregnant. The answer is: none. Apparently there is no data...and I mean no data...on migraine medication and pregnancy. Apprently they have not tested enough little animals to draw a conclusion (animal testing seriously tugs at my heart). So, basically the approach is take it if it is so bad that you cannot stand it but don't take it if you don't have to because they don't know really what will happen. I also get to have my thyroid checked because of all of my attempts to lose weight and nothin happenin.

Migraine did come this week but not bad....relatively speaking. I am wondering if I feel a little better because I am off the birth control pill? Who knows....but it is nice to feel like I am not putting anything else in my body except a daily vitamin.

Quiet Sunday of Contemplation

Happy Sunday! Well....I am sure many of you know that Oprah has come out of the closet with her weight and is dealing with it openly (again). I am feeling inspired and am posting the photo that has kicked started me on the same quest....along with my migraines. That;s me in the far right holding my gorgeos pregnant friend's belly. But, what I noticed is that I look pregnant. I am not sure if this is my sweater being cruel or that is my stomach. I don't think it is my stomach, but anywho I saw this photo and thought "ooooooh no! I don't think so." My thighs even look terrible to me. Yes, I know that my image of myself is likely worse than everyone who is looking at this, but nonetheless it made me move. I realize that I cannot lose weight unless I am moving. I have tried this before, but if I do not lose weight I will see medical attention. So, I have committed to eating less (I already eat pretty good) and walking no less than 30 minutes per day.

As for migraines.....*sigh* ..........well, I went up to the Bay Area for this lovely babyshower and I had a migraine the whole time. I had enough meds so I was ok, but I was kinda flat. I have an appointment with my neurologist because I just feel like there is something else I could be doing.

Wish me luck!!! I hope everyone is happy and healthy ;)

Watching Seinfeld and enjoying a quiet Saturday

Awwww me....I should be studying for an upcoming exam but I am watching Seinfeld re-runs and being lazy on the sofa. I am enjoying a head-ache free day even though my shoulder is buggin me. Maybe my laziness is due to my current contemplation about whether my health issues should prevent me from being a parent. My shoulder locks up whenever I am carrying anything for too long. Like last night....we went shopping, I bought some jeans and after about 30 minutes of carrying the bad my shoulder was killin me.

The Fight

Ya know...I feel better, I blog about it and then I feel like crap. It's really quite the dysfunctional relationship with Murphy's Law. In fact, I think it is a toxic relationship I should sever. Isn't this what Dr. Phil prescribes? Me feeling like crap = headache which = migraine. It's a form of torture but I am not sure who is inflicting this on me.

I am sitting here feeling much better after my chiro appt with Dr. Z (if you live in Orange County, I highly recommend him http://www.swesthealth.us/ ). My neck was locked up again and my shoulder was twittering with pain. It was awful. I have been looking forward to a muscle relaxer when I get home as soon as I get to work, and I hate the feeling of the muscle relaxer except that it provides relief. The foggy head side effect is completely undesirable. Anywho, Dr. Z released my neck and I feel somewhat human again....except for the fogginess.

So now I sit and write thinking about that I should be working on my short story. I went to the library and picked up Alice Munro and Chekov for research. My short story seems to have too many characters at the moment which means I should save it for a novel. But, alas I am now rambling. What I am trying to say is that I am procrastinating. Maybe I will drink some half caf coffee and see if this helps perk me up.

Just do it

I am sitting on my laptop...where I have been for most of the weekend...playing online Scrabble and procrastinating studying and writing. What you may say? What are you talking about? Well, I have been invited to write for 2 health websites. Nothing big. I am pretty much doing what I do here...blogging and practicing my writing. The problem is this: I am writing for 3 websites. How do I keep up with this, work 40 - 60 hours per week, participate in my relationship and practice my writing period? These are the questions.

My dream has always been, I just lost it along the way sometime ago, to be a therapist and a fictional writer. I got lost somewhere along the way of life and ended up taking a really big detour. But, this blog has got me thinking that I really need to get back to my passions. What I am finding is that when I am doing something I love, I feel healthy. Just imagining myself publishing a book and helping people in person in my own office puts joy in my heart. And, the best thing about this is that when I feel this way I have less headaches and less migraines. When my creativity is unleashed, I just feel better.

This last week I was back in for my botox. Because I am getting ready to have my 4x per year womanly cycle (that is woman code for period gentleman), the migraine creeps its ugly head out just as a groundhog does. This time was no different. The shoulder starts, the pressure between the eyes, and then the pinch! So, I go get my shots which friggin hurt and then I go back to work. By the end of the day I am looking forward to nothing else but my migraine meds. I get home. I gulp down my pill with a big glass of water and I wait (oh yeah, and I stole a magazine from the doctor's office because Troy Aikman was interviewed for his migraines...wups! I confess. I did it). After about 1 hour the meds kick in and my personality flat lines. I am totally absent of affect. By bedtime I debate about taking another pill; I end up taking it and sleep in the next morning. But, I am better.

The next day I am still slow but I can fake it. I fantasize about earning some extra money as a writer so I can put it away for my masters and again I feel joy. The more I think about it, the more I believe that a lot of these metaphysical authors are correct. It really is about finding passion and finding yours. I think you end up with less stress and if this is one of your triggers (like me!) then maybe the migraines will lessen in intensity.

I am certainly not saying this is the cure, but what I am saying is that when you find something you love, your body and your spirit thank you for it. Passion is nourishment.

Just Sayin Hi

I have too many distractions today to write anything meaningful. So, I am just sayin hi. I got my botox this week and will write about it when I can find some quiet.

Too good...we have come so far

To say that I am giddy over our election results on Tuesday is to be unable to find the right word for the level of excitement and pride I feel about this. Policy opinions aside...this was huge. I really feel like my generation finally did something we can say "Yes, I contributed to this really great event!" Obama is elegant, humble, very intelligent and our President elect!!! I feel like if I opt for children and they want to be president, I can say Yes You Can because look at President Obama (oh p.s. if Chris and I had kids they would be mixed racially).

On a sad note Proposition 8 passed in California. I am reposting a comment I sent to my friend who voted for it. It sums up exactly how I feel about this issue and how we should listen to each other. To put this into context - she posted a blog defending her vote and she was clearly feeling attacked by some friends of hers (not by yours truly; I did not know how she voted until she posted her blog):

Well my friend, how about a friendly dialogue then? I think if you only talk about issues with people who agree with you then there is really no point in talking about them. You absolutely have a right to your opinion and I applaud you for exercising your right to vote. In fact I send you a round of applause for being brave and asserting your view on this. It sets a great example for your family when you exercise your civil duty....and plus, we as women stand on the shoulders of many other women who fought for our right to vote. It was not that long ago when women were still considered chattel (fancy word for property for those who may not be familiar with it....a dog is considered chattel today on the law books).

So, let's talk. I know you don't hate gay people, because if you did then you would hate my family and I don't believe you to be a hateful person. I don't believe you hate Mel or my dad since you ask me how they are doing. But, to place this in context for those reading this who may not know me: I grew up with 2 gay dads who were together for 20 years. They raised me and did a pretty fucking good job. They raised me in a family. I was one of the few people who did not have to spend time between two homes due to divorce. I would say proudly that I am a fairly accomplished adult and this is due to my 2 dads. So, now that this is out of the way let me propose some food for thought for you and I invite you to throw it right back at me. I'm not trying to change your mind, but I want you to see where my belief comes from.

Not too long ago there was a case called Loving v. Virginia. It went to the Supreme Court to decide where states could make it illegal for whites to marry non-whites. The Supreme Court said that the states could not interfere with with a civil right to marry; specifically it cited the 14th Amendment. Additionally it is interesting to note that the church was backing the laws that remained in the state Virgina stating this was a moral issue that a white man should not be able to marry a black woman; they wanted to continue the Racial Integrity Act of 1924 (The Mormon Church funded Prop 8 - 20 million dollars worth which mostly came from out of state). Which was exactly what this case was about. This couple got married in another state, returned to their home in Virginia and their home was raided by police because they were sleeping in the same bed which was a crime. They went to jail. Had they not fought this, their children would have been considered bastards and socially undesirable under the social mores of the time. Additionally, I would not have the option to marry Chris if this had stayed on the books.

I believe that the right to marry is a civil rights issue and not one of morality. No one is trying to force the Church's' hand in marriage or even try to change the view of ones moral compass, we are only trying to state this: gay people are not second class citizens and to deny them the right to marry so that they have all of the legal rights under marriage is to say they do not matter. It sends a message that they are 2nd class citizens because they have less rights than others. Specifically it sends a message that a family who finds moral issues with their gay son or daughter can not only kick their partner out of a hospital room (and they do this) but they can also take over all of the property rights bequeathed to this partner. It also states that gay people cannot have a family under the protections of the law: rights for visitation, child support, etc. I could go on but for the sake of brevity I will leave it there.

On a personal note: why is my family less important than those of a straight couple? Why was it right that Mel feared having me taken away from him because our family was not legitimate under the eyes of the law? And further, why is it fair that I am not Mel's daughter under the eyes of the law to this day? Yes, there is a domestic partner law but it does not cover these basic areas that I have only touched on.

In short my friend, I have no problem agreeing to disagree with you on this issue and I do not think less of you for your opinions. But, we should all be able to speak civilly about our differences. It is an opportunity to grow from them. Anyone who is scolding you for your choices is not looking at this from the big picture that we all can grow from this experience. We just elected our first Black President...if that is not growth, I don't know what is.