It amazes me what we can take when we love someone. I recently was speaking to a friend who had, what I would say, a very happy marriage with the man she never thought she would find. She described to me what happened to her recently on Valentines Day. She was at work and had forgotten her cell phone at home. So, she decided to send her husband a lovey text message. She received an expected response from her husband with another woman's name sprinkled with pet names she had never been called. Infuriated, scared, saddened and alone she confronted her husband who confessed that he had reconnected with an old high school fling (the man is 45 years old). Nothing physical had happened because his long lost love lives in another state. What he added to his confessional was his wanting for a divorce. Now, this was surprising because the day prior he went through a ritual of telling said wife of how much he adored her and could not believe his fortune that she loved him too. This was a ritual he endured for 7 years of what he called his bliss. Now the woman he had always described as love of his life, he confessed, was not a good person, she is shallow and he cannot imagine wanting a child with her. He told her to choose between a baby and their marriage. Loco? Claro que si.
He proposed to her with a fairy tale proposal. It was her birthday and he took her to their favorite bed and breakfast. When they walked into the room there were rose petals peppered on the bed. They lovingly framed a vintage Dior dress. She was enchated. She put the dress on and they went down to dinner. The restaurant had been bought out for them. Their servers were her best friends. After a lovely dinner, she was presented with a framed poem he had written professing his love and adoration. He then presented her with a 6 karat engagement ring that he designed. The waterfalls started from her friends standing by. After a tearful yes a carriage pulled up and they were taken on a romantic 2 hour ride. The night was not yet over...when she got back to their room more rose petals. This time they lined a La Perla nightgown perfect for finishing the most perfect night.
So, for 7 years they have had beauty and challenges. No different than any other relationship with the exception that she had no doubt their love would not waiver. When this changed direction is impossible to pinpoint. When he decided that after 4 years of convincing her that children would be a blessing in their lives to now saying children is not something he can even fathom is also impossible to pinpoint.
I write this to only say what I relayed to my disturbed friend. There is a lesson in everything no matter how painful that lesson may be. My friend has not given up on her marriage. She is going to try everything she can to save it. I don't think her lesson has defined itself yet, but I do believe this is saving her from something later. She never wanted children until she met her husband and now she had most decidely opted not to be forced into a decision that would cut her off from something she has opened to. Her fairly tale has not ended. All fairy tales have a challenges their heros must overcome.
Unending Brain Fog (aka Where I’ve Been)
4 days ago