Life in the slow down lane

It was my boyfriends birthday on Friday and so I decided to do something for him that would be fun and new...I took him horseback riding. It was fantastic. We drove out to Topanga Canyon and went on a 2 hour horseback ride. Our guide was an aspiring actor, hence he talked a lot and talked a lot about himself but he was pleasant nonetheless. Overall I would say it was a really nice day.

We arrived at about 10:30 am to an inconspicuous ranch with a long steep driveway you are not allowed to drive down. We start our trek down and notice there are no cameras or cell phones allowed. QUE??? Why? Obligingly we trek back up the hill a few feet and put our camera back in the car. We get down to the bottom of the hill and there is a small veranda with one guy who does not speak English and says nothing to us. We wait for 15 minutes for someone to show up and acknowledge that we are here on time. It was a pleasantly cool morning so it did not bother me too much. I was trying to just be present without a lot of expectation...but I was slightly annoyed.

After finding out the reason our cameras were abandoned was due to insurance reasons (which I understand) I am feeling better. We walk down to meet our horses. HOLY SMOKES! They are huge! I have ridden before but never on something so big. I keep thinking...did I gain this much weight that they are placing me on such a large creature? I was not sure how I was going to get my legs around this horse but I did it. His name was Donkey Pancakes....I am not making this one up. Chris' horse was named Danny. Okie dokie.

We start out on our ride and it was smooth....we just enjoyed the views which were spectacular. We rode on this ridge line that overlooked all of LA. All of the Spring wild flowers were in full bloom...I would have loved to take pictures but couldn't. Purple, pink, yellow, big and small flowers were taking over the landscape on both sides. I was just taking it all in while I was practicing my best calm assertiveness (as taught by Cesar Milan) with the horse. Our guide took a few minutes to stop talking about himself here and there and would comment how well we were doing with the horses and how surprised he was at the behavior of the horses. I am not quite sure the sincerity of these comments because we walked past a rattle snake who was rattling and the horses could not have been less concerned. They were beyond mellow.

So on we go....and then we start into what will be a fateful trot. I am not a big fan of the trot because it is slow/fast and too bouncy. I prefer the cantor which allows you to feel the rhythm of the horse more, but like I said our guide was chatty. So, the trot was without consistency and exceptionally bouncy on these monster size horses. Basically it was no fun.

We finish our ride 2 hours later and feeling relaxed and really hot (it is now 1pm and 90 degrees) we head home. But, not before I almost pass out from a heat stroke. Oh yes, I am heat sensitive with my blond hair, blue eyes and what should be olive skin but is now pale white from staying out of the sun for the last few years. Even though I had on a J-Lo sized floppy hat to protect me I still almost collapsed. A little cold water and calm minutes in the shade and I was good as new.

We get home and confirm it was a ton of fun and something we will have to do again at a different ranch. We have a wonderful dinner from Memphis restaurant and fall into a blissful sleep. But, remember I said the trot was fateful? Well, I woke up Saturday morning barely able to move. My back is jacked! The whole thoracic is spasming as I write....all of this because of a chatty guide, a horse that was much too big for me and a tortuous trot. I am now spending my Sunday in the slow lane.

Stress is not my friend....

Stress and I ....we don't get along. I try to cope with stress but it doesn't seem to beat the beast that starts to pinch that area where my neck and shoulder meet. I try to relax it away. I refuse to let it keep me out of yoga. I try to get enough sleep. It still takes over and forces me to the medicine cabinet; that medicine cabinet that I detest.

The medicine cabinet translates to side effects. It means that I am sleepy and unable to focus...kind of like right now. I am not quite sure why people take these pills for recreation (addiction I do understand) - I hate them. They make me feel like I am not myself. That I am flat emotionally. It's the same reason I don't enjoy alcohol...I don't like feeling as if there is something that affects me mentally or emotionally.

So, here I sit feeling dopey and not wanting to move because it hurts. Stress equals migraines. Migraines equal pain. I am happy that these are few and far between now.

Migraines gone?? Sadly no...

Wow...it's good, it's bad...it just keeps going. I thought I was coasting along after my last round of botox and then a Friday full of stress brings a migraine filled painful night. It left me feeling very defeated. I was feeling that there is never going to be a solution for these unbelievably painful experiences. I was feeling like I am never going to be able to get away from taking medicine to bandaid the experience of migraine.

Because I refuse to stay in that space, I tried to find something that could lift my spirits. I started to focus on the fact that I am not living with headaches everyday which means I am not under a constant threat of a migraine attack. This is a good thing and it is a drastic improvement. I still have that pinch in my shoulder that gives me a headache. And, this is frustrating.

So, up down up down up down. I am reminded that I need to get my stress under control, again. And, I need to continue with all of my movement towards health.

On a positive note...I spent the evening with my brother and his wife last night. They bought a beautiful home and have 3 new puppies (which are the off spring of their other 2 dogs). He is going to be a daddy in 3 months which means that I will be an adoring Aunt in 3 months. Holy smokes! Me? An Aunt? This will be interesting.... ;)

Spa days are the best days

First....a catch up: I am feeling better. I had my first migraine in sometime last weekend. It was startling how much it; I cannot believe that I lived through these for so long. The headaches that it launched itself from was unbelievably painful. The human body continues to amaze.

I did start the diet and I have not lost any weight to date. Very frustrating but maybe I need to stop thinking about how much weight I have gained and focus on me at my ideal weight. It probably would not hurt if I started walking too.

I received my second round of botox. Man that stuff hurts goin in!!!! It really works though (for the chronic headaches) and the fact that there is no grogginess or medicine head associated with it really has made it very appealling. My periods did stop for 2 months but then I spotted last week quite by surprise...umm, that is no fun.

On Friday I took a self day. Literally. I spent half of the day at a spa (Burke Williams in Orange, CA). I went with a girlfriend who just happened to be celebrating her birthday on this very same day. So, it was a very good excuse to take the day off of work and relax. And, I did relax but it is a stange environment at this particular spa. When I arrived they told me it was European Style. HUH? Oh this is code for naked naked - got it. I am very kewl with that because I detest walking around in a wet bathing suit. So far so good.

The shape of the women's side was kind of a triangle. It has a jacuzzi, steam room, mist room (cold mist) and sauna for women only. The lockers were right next to the sauna and the steam room. The jacuzzi was HUGE and was in the middle but also back up against a wall next to the misting room. Odd. I have to say there was not a lot of flow to the area. A feng shui master probably would say "This room does not have good chi movement." They would be right.

The women were ALL in their bathing suits which made the atmosphere sort of ....how shall I say.... conservative. So, I was a rebel and refused to put on my top. In the jacuzzi, which had way too much chlorine, the women looked at me with some scorn for which I presume was because I was not following their stuffy rules. Oh well. There was no one in the steam room so I could be as free as I wanted to be. The sauna was packed with chatty women covering up the same equipment they all bore. I could get into the whole self love/image but I will resist.

This was the other thing....these women could talk! Not just the guests but the people that worked there. Holy smokes. It was rather loud....with the sound of the jacuzzi in the back ground and the non-stop clacking it was quite difficult to relax. So, I ventured into the lounge room which was supposed to be unisex but I did not see any men in sight. The talkie talkie grew even louder and louder. I wanted to read my book and just be, but it was not to be. I found another waiting room where no one was inside....the opening and closing of the doors along with the employee's constant discussion about the latest TV shows did not make this a quiet room. Even the fabric on the EZ chair was loud (red, blue and yellow zig zags....yick!) So, I gave in, met back with my friend and we chatted the afternoon away. It was nice to have some girl time....but, if you are looking for some self time I would not recommend this place.

The massage was fantastic and needed. We had lunch there and then scooted out...and I was relaxed. Mission accomplished.

January into February

**SIGH** I'm not feeling too good today. Nothinig to do with my headaches and everything to do with me. My headaches, I am happy to report, have been pretty much undercontrol. This mix of botox and stopping my period seems to work. I still highly recommend botox for people who suffer from tension/migraines.

I don't know if it's because I have been really stressed at work, my crappy day yesterday, or because I realized today that I have been taking care of everyone but myself....but, I feel like I have let myself go and that makes me sad. My weight has been bothering me for sometime, but yesterday it really hit it home.

Yesterday I went and stood in line to meet the producers of Cesar Milan's dog whisperer show. My dog has dog agression and I would love to get this man's advice. So...me, my boyfriend and our dog stood in line for 3 hours only to be told to submit our dog online. I would have preferred to meet Cesar which was a shorter line...but, what can ya do? The 3 hours was gone, we got to see Cesar anyways and our dog did pretty well around all those other dogs considering he wanted to kill them. Our dog was for the most part calm.

What made it a crappy day was that my boyfriend did not want to be there and he let me know that through some pretty obvious silent communication. So, silent that he rarely spoke to me the whole time. When I confronted him on this he said he only came to support me. What??? I explained that showing me how annoyed you were for 3 hours does not make me feel supported, it makes me feel as if I have terribly inconvenienced you. I'm not sure this message was received and in all honesty it doesn't matter. I know better than to have him come with me to anything like this again; I would rather stick pins in my eyeballs. What actually ticked me off was the "support" comment. It ticked me off because I was reminded that sometimes the support provided in this relationship is not always balanced. I have been his morale support for a long time, but I have not been that same strength to myself. I became enraged at the thought that I was not taking care of and loving myself.....and now I sound like a sound bite on Oprah. AGGGGHHHHH!

I got down on myself for about 6 hours and then woke up this morning and decided to try something to get this weight off. I am going to support and care for myself. I am not going to wait for the support or expect the support to come from some place else. No more placing someone else first so I don't have to pay attention to my own needs, it's time to ease up on the deflection and dive into reflection. Corny, yes but I gotta do it.

I will keep you posted.....wish me luck!

Le Definition....part one

I would have to say this is one of the better defininations of a migraine I have seen. It is somewhat lengthy but worth the read. Please go directly to the website for the references as I have ommitted them for space purposes. I have also edited some of the content. This was taken from Wikipedia.com: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Migraine

"Migraine is a neurological disease that can cause a wide range of symptoms during an attack. The most commonly thought of symptom is headache. It is widespread in the population. In the U.S., 18% of women and 6% of men report having had at least one migraine episode in the previous year, with seriousness ranging from an annoyance to a life-threatening and/or daily experience. Periodic or unpredictable disability can cause poverty due to patients' inability to hold down a job. Overview Usually migraine causes episodes of severe or moderate headache (which is often one-sided and pulsating) lasting from several hours to three days, accompanied by gastrointestinal upsets, such as nausea and vomiting, and a heightened sensitivity to bright lights (photophobia) and noise (phonophobia).

Approximately one third of people who experience migraine get a preceding aura. The word migraine is French in origin and comes from the Greek hemicrania, as does the Old English term megrim. Literally, hemicrania means "half (the) head". Migraines' secondary characteristics are inconsistent.

Triggers precipitating a particular episode of migraine vary widely. The efficacy of the simplest treatment, applying warmth or coolness to the affected area of the head, varies between persons, sometimes worsening the migraine. A particular migraine rescue drug may sometimes work and sometimes not work in the same patient. Some migraine types don't have pain or may manifest symptoms in parts of the body other than the head. Available evidence suggests that migraine pain is one symptom of several to many disorders of the serotonergic control system, a dual hormone-neurotransmitter with numerous types of receptors. Two disorders — classic migraine with aura (MA, STG) and common migraine without aura (MO, STG) — have been shown to have a genetic factor. Studies on twins show that genes have a 60 to 65% influence on the development of migraine (PMID 10496258 and PMID 10204850 ). Additional migraine types are suspected and could be proven to be genetic. Migraine understood as several or many disorders could explain the inconsistencies, especially if a single patient has more than one genetic type. However, still other migraine types might be functionally acquired due to hormone organ disease or injury. Three quarters of adult migraine patients are female, although pre-pubertal migraine affects approximately equal numbers of boys and girls. This reveals the strong correlation to hormonal cycling and hormonal-related causes or triggers. Hormonal migraine is a likely consequence of periodically falling hormone levels causing reduction in protein biosynthesis of metabolic components including intestinal tract serotonin.

Part deux

Classification Migraines have been classified by the International Headache Society which periodically revises their classification. [edit] Defining severity of pain In addition to classifying the type of headache, the International Headache Society defines intensity of pain on a verbal 4 point scale:
0 no pain 1 mild pain 'does not interfere with usual activities'
2 moderate pain 'inhibits, but does not wholly prevent usual activities'
3 severe pain 'prevents all activities' [edit]

Migraine without aura This is the most commonly seen form of migraine; patients who primarily suffer from migraine without aura may also have attacks of migraine with aura. According to the International Classification of Headache Disorders it is a recurrent headache disorder manifesting in attacks lasting 4-72 hours. Typical characteristics of the headache are unilateral location, pulsating quality, moderate or severe intensity, aggravation by routine physical activity and association with nausea and/or photophobia and phonophobia. In order to diagnose migraine without aura, there must have been at least five attacks not attributable to another cause that fulfill the following criteria:
1. Headache attacks lasting 4-72 hours when untreated
2. At least two of the following characteristics: Unilateral location Pulsating quality Moderate or severe pain intensity Aggravation by or causing avoidance of routine physical activity
3. During the headache there must be at least one of the following associated symptom clusters: Nausea and/or vomiting Photophobia and phonophobia Where these criteria are not fully met, the problem may be classified as "probable migraine without aura" but other diagnoses such as "episodic tension type headache" must also be excluded.