Semi better

Sunday's are just a beautiful day....always. No matter what the weather is, I always find Sunday's are unbelievably attractive. 

My back is about half way better....I start physical therapy soon and I am hoping this will greatly improve the strength and kick away sciatica forever! We shall see......I really need to get back into my yoga. I didn't have all these physical ailments when I was doing yoga...migraines yes, but knee and back problems....no. 

I feel....BLAH

It is hot outside. We do not have air conditioning in our house. I had a rough week at work...again. The economy sucks. Chris is in a foul mood. I feel BLAH.

I think I am just emotionally exhausted. When I think about getting up off the couch to address my now consistent struggle with losing these 30 extra pounds that will not exit my body no matter how much yoga and walking I do...when I think about getting off the couch, I just keep thinking "but I don't wanna." All I want to do is sit here all day long and surf the mindless waves of the internet and yep you guessed it, not think about anything. Calgon take me away!!

When I do sit and think what comes to my mind is all of the stuff I should be doing with my life: I should have pursued my art, I should be working towards my masters in Clinical Psych, I should be reading a book, I should be finishing a book I already started, I should be writing my autobiography....should I continue this pity party for one? I can hear the tiny violins playing for my woes now. It's that little song called: Shoulda, coulda, woulda.

My life is blessed, so why do I get into these moods? Oh yeah, because I am human and humans have hormones and feelings. Stress causes the production of additional hormones which make humans feel tired. I am stressed, I am human and I am tired. I feel BLAH. And by the way....we are aloud to feel BLAH from time to time ;)

Vacay Baby!

**SIGH** It is my birthday this week...well, I guess technically it is next week since it falls on a Sunday...anyways, I will be 33. I decided my gift to myself will be 7 days off of work. I really need it. I have been uber tired for more months than I can count, I have been working on average of 10 hour days (and I am salaried so no overtime...poop!), my job is moving and so the mood in the office tends to swing, I am trying to keep my employees happy so we can meet our goals for the end of the year and did I mention I am tired? Anywho, I opted to take some time off and treat myself to no obligations for 7 whole days. This means....no work emails and nothing to do with work; it also means I can be vegetable ;)

But, I will not be a vegetable. I am going to go to my yoga classes, walk the dog and spend a few days in Palm Springs. I just get the option to sleep in for each of these days! Maybe my weight issues will take a vacation as well because it has seriously been frustrating me. Wait...I am trying to be positive about this. Let me try that again: I will have a break from thinking about my weight in a negative light during this vacation. Better? Well, it's the best positive outlook I can muster for the moment. Whenever I think of my additional poundage this song comes into my head (sung by Kim Wilde): Set me free why don't you babe, get out my life why don't you babe., oooh hooo, you don't really love me, you just keep me hanging on! Gotta love the 80's!! Well, I sing it to my fat cells....maybe they don't like my singing? I am planning on my headaches and migraines to gift me by not being present for this whole week. I will not sing to them in hopes they do not come around (my singing is pretty bad....but I love to do it....by myself when no one is around).

So, other than sleeping in and keep up with my calorie burning/health routine, I will be meeting my 3 week old nephew this weekend. He is my brother's child and my only nephew...this means he will be spoiled! My brother and I only recently met (that is a whole other post!!!) and now we have a new edition to the family to celebrate. His name is Gabriel and he is quite adorable. And, yes I am completely biased.

I will try to post whilst I relax...but who knows...I may be too lazy to type ;)

Freedom Friday...sort of

Happy Friday!!! 

Well, I am still spinning. I have to concur with Deborah that the most fun part of dizziness is closing your eyes....wow. It's a ride and I am not even moving. Or when I am just standing and the person I am looking at is swaying...but, they're not. Excuse my victim coming out of me when I have to say "Why ME?????!!!!!!" One of these days I am going to get to the bottom of this and when I do....well, my migraine monster had better watch out!

Other than the constant movement in my head, I have been attending yoga 3x per week and walking the dog about 6 days per week. My boyfriend/partner asked me last night if I am feeling any different (I have been doing the yoga for about 2 months straight now) and my response was an unfortunate "no." I have lost no weight. And, I mean no weight. Not a frickin pound. I am still 157 lbs which is about 30 lbs too much for me and my body. I do not have more energy but I do feel more relaxed. The energy issue may be because I have been fighting virus' consistently (I work in an office = petri dish). The weight issue is not because of my eating habits. Trust me. I have no answer for this one. I cannot cut anymore calories and I do not eat sugar. Who can figure it out? I keep reminding myself that I have to focus on being healthy and I cannot do this without being active. So, I continue to yoga and I continue to walk. 

All of this and I am still happy. The bonus today is that it is Friday. I love Friday's. People are happy and I know that tomorrow is without responsibilities. Even better is knowing that I can sleep past 6am! Oh I love it!! I love the warm feeling of the sheets on me and my pillow. It is so soothing and such a wonderful way to start your day....without an alarm clock.  I even forget that I suffer from headaches/migraines. And....this weekend is a long weekend!!! Whoohoooo!!!!!

Enjoy your weekend...I will be enjoying my mornings sans alarm clock :)

Weather changes, stress and bad sleep equal MIGRAINE MADNESS!

Wow. I was doing really well. I was championing botox injections, going to my yoga classes and walking the dog every day for at least 30 minutes. I was determined to lose weight and really feel good. My life was becoming "normal" again.

"Ah-ha!" Said the migraine. "I have fooled and lulled you into comfort! I am back and bigger than ever. And I brought friends!!" The migraine snickered at me. I had almost, and I really emphasize almost, forgotten how much these 2-3 day ones can hurt. So it started one week ago...I felt it coming on with a vengeance. It was my most unwelcome family member who consistently reminds me of why I dislike them so. It lasted Tuesday through Thursday. But this time, my migraine had a new friend. Allow me to introduce you to Vertigo. Wow. This really one sucks.

I was sitting at my desk and all the sudden the room spun around 1-2x. I sat there with both palms sweating on the desk wondering where that came from. The hangover from that was dizziness for about an hour. It was like I had just gotten off of a boat. This was when I knew it was coming, but I thought....naw! It happened again the next day and I had to run to the bathroom. I decided to stop toughing it and just go home after that one. Not to mention I needed to brush my teeth! I went home and slept for 12 hours; woke up and the pinch in my neck and shoulder were still present which let me know...it ain't over baby!

By Friday it was finally gone. But, Saturday....well, it came back! Why I am so lucky I will never know. I got to enjoy yet another bout through Monday. The migraine and all of its friends: Muscle Pain, Vertigo, Nausea and Photophobia. It was like a great big Latin Party ravaging my poor body. It is now gone again but the effects remain. The intense pain/pinch in my shoulder...I wish I could just pop it and create some space!!! The dizziness is still here so each time I get up I feel like I may lose my feet. And, the after effects would not be complete without the loss of appetite.

I hope the rest of the month is without any sequels.....

Rain Rain Rain ....YEAH!

It has been raining for 3 days and I love it! It is so dry in Southern California that any rain feels like a good cleaning. They said it was going to be flooding but all I have seen is some damp roadways. Granted we have had some moments of downpour but it is nothing like what Nothern California receives.

On that note....I am on way up to Northern California for a business trip. These are usually somewhat stale as you usually are spoken at versus spoken to. I am sure we will have some type of motivational speaker but for the most part it will be sitting and schmoozing. The hardest part is just being away from home. The nice part is one of my girlfriends is having a baby shower on the Saturday I will be up there so I will get to go.

I am committed to get my stress level down. Having my boob examined on Tuesday for cancer (aka a lump) does not assist in this, but I suppose it needs to be completed. Anywho, I am committed to decreasing my stress and thus I have scheduled a day off next month so I can go to a spa all day. YEAH BABY! YEAH! When I get back from my trip I will reintroduce yoga to my destressing repetoir. I am determined to lose this muffin I have acquired just above my hips.

As for my headaches....they remain under contol. This whole plan to stop my periods seems to be having a bigger effect on my breasts (they hurt from the extra hormones). I am not sure when my normal period is supposed to happen (I think it is in 2 weeks). My fingers remained crossed that I will skip a migraine with my period.

Sunday fall back Sunday

Well it is Sunday and although I have had a relatively pain free weekend (meaning Saturday) the previous week sucked. According to my boyfriend I am squinching my eyebrows when I sleep to the point that my head is shaking. So not bueno. Funny thing is, he does not have to tell me this because my third eye hurts when I wake up.

So, I called my neurologist last Monday and I have since gone through multiple back and forth messages over the same thing "Yes, this is Tina from Kaiser and I was calling to clarify the discussion you wanted to have with the doctor about botox. "4 times they called and 4 times I provided the same response "It is exactly as I explained the last time....my headaches are not improving and I am unwilling to go on any medication that affects my cognitive functioning. "

I am not quite sure how this could be confusing but apparently it is so confusing they keep calling back. The doctor does not call back but the nurse's assistants do. My hunch is that this has everything to do with their 24 hour call back requirement and nothing to do with being a complete idiot unskilled in the English language. As my smarter than me boyfriend opines: in their effort to streamline customer service they have frustrated the customer.

Like a good patient I have been taking my muscle relaxers at night in an attempt to save myself from headaches in the morning....it's not working. I sleep well and my shoulder is not as achy as normal but my headaches persist.

The question for me remains why. Why do I have headaches? Why me? Why is there no answer? I figure that if I found an answer for my asthma (yoga), then I can find an answer for this ailment. It cannot be that impossible. They told me that yoga was an unknown ailment. They didn't know what caused it and there was no cure. Well, they tell me the same thing about migraines. I didn't believe them about the asthma and I do not believe them about migraines or headaches either.

Almost headache free Friday

I had a pretty crappy day yesterday at work. It was stressful and I left work feeling really annoyed. So, I came home and of course my honey was is as he always is: awesome. I forgot about it until I went to bed. I couldn't fall asleep, I couldn't stay asleep and then I woke up with a headache. Oh no! Not on a Friday!!! I stayed in bed a little longer determined not to take any medicine and even more determined to get rid of this headache.

So, I did it! I relaxed my way out of the headache and then left the house for the office intending to have a non-stressful day despite knowing what was ahead for me (meaning, I knew the day ahead of me was going to be very frustrating). I actually managed to maintain it throughout the day.

I feel really good right now and I have not felt this good in a couple of months. Yes, it is only one day but after so many crappy days today feels like gold. I am going to try some yoga tomorrow since I am feeling good. I have not done yoga for about 2 months...can we say happy?? :)

Anywho - I feel good. I feel really good. I don't have a tinge of a headache right now and I don't feel like I am fighting off the flu. YEAH!!!