Ambitious Ambitions

Oh me oh my. If there is one thing I lack in my life it is clear direction. Oh, I put on a good front of "I know what, when and how I want it" but the truth is I really don't. Once I had my chart read and was told that I have absolutely no earth in my chart. None. So, this makes it hard for me to feel grounded. Well, I have to say he hit it right on the head with that one. I almost never feel grounded and I always feel like I am just kind of floating. Whimiscal would best describe it.

As of lately, I am back to thinking/pondering/focusing on obtaining my Masters degree. Where will I get the money to fund this? How will we live without my salary? Would this mean we would have to downsize? Can I find another job in California so we do not have to move to Oklahoma and I can go to grad school? This is just a small sampling of what my mind tends to do when left to my own devices. All over the place.

I know that I am good at listening and helping people through counseling (I have a few unofficial clients at work). I loved working in the prison system researching ways to make it better. How do I combine these? I would really like to obtain my PhD in Clinical Psych, but how I could fund this I have no idea. I would also love to be researching inmate issues within the prison system. Specifically HIV infections. I have dabbled in this before and it was the happiest job I have had.

Well, I am putting it out there universe: I am really to be a mother, I want to have a fulfilling career and I want this not to be a burden on our financial health.

My nephew

He is beautiful. I could not stop staring at him. He has this unusually perfectly formed face, fingers and toes. He was the perfect distraction from a horrible Friday. 

I was called right after I posted my last comment. My job called me and let me know an announcement was coming forth the following day. They had made some difficult decisions and all of the employees were being informed of it on Friday. I opted to come into the office to support my employees and my coworkers. Changes in the workplace are never easy no matter what they are. It always means adjustments. Nonetheless it has happened and I did not really sleep or eat for a few days. 

My partner being the wonderful man that he is assisted me in meeting my nephew and making sure that I celebrated my birthday....and I did. We spent about 2 hours with my nephew and then went to my dad's for some relaxation. A day at the spa and some walks in the heat (Palm Springs is hot!!!) helped me calm down. It was a very nice weekend. 

The rest of my vacation was spent pondering over my job. I am happy to report that no migraines joined my stress party. They stayed away as requested and I made sure that I did not create anything that would have opened the door. Scrabble is a wonderful distraction when you cannot get something off your mind ;)  

Rain Rain Rain ....YEAH!

It has been raining for 3 days and I love it! It is so dry in Southern California that any rain feels like a good cleaning. They said it was going to be flooding but all I have seen is some damp roadways. Granted we have had some moments of downpour but it is nothing like what Nothern California receives.

On that note....I am on way up to Northern California for a business trip. These are usually somewhat stale as you usually are spoken at versus spoken to. I am sure we will have some type of motivational speaker but for the most part it will be sitting and schmoozing. The hardest part is just being away from home. The nice part is one of my girlfriends is having a baby shower on the Saturday I will be up there so I will get to go.

I am committed to get my stress level down. Having my boob examined on Tuesday for cancer (aka a lump) does not assist in this, but I suppose it needs to be completed. Anywho, I am committed to decreasing my stress and thus I have scheduled a day off next month so I can go to a spa all day. YEAH BABY! YEAH! When I get back from my trip I will reintroduce yoga to my destressing repetoir. I am determined to lose this muffin I have acquired just above my hips.

As for my headaches....they remain under contol. This whole plan to stop my periods seems to be having a bigger effect on my breasts (they hurt from the extra hormones). I am not sure when my normal period is supposed to happen (I think it is in 2 weeks). My fingers remained crossed that I will skip a migraine with my period.

2008...you're here?

Wow....I am always surprised when the new year is here. I am always shocked at how quickly the year has flown by and reminded that when I was a child how slowly time seemed to move. I wonder if this is an effect of being a child and can't wait for time to speed up but when you're an adult you are trying to slow time down. As an adult you need more time....more time to get your job done and more time for yourself.

Sometimes I wonder if we had more of a European sense of time and quality of life, would we better off? When you walk the streets of Paris you have the distinct sense that their jobs do not consume them, stress them or dictate their lives. Certainly they are present when they are working and take their jobs seriously, but it is not what defines them. The whole country recently when on strike because their President was trying to lengthen the work day.

This is my hope for the new year....that my fight against the migraine will win, that my job will cease to be so consuming, that I will gain some direction, and that I will keep my promise to myself to lose weight. If you can't keep your promises to yourself, who can you trust?

My migraine this last month was not as bad as it normally is. The botox is still working. So, in that sense....I am winning. 2008 is going to be a great year!