C'est La Me ....

So I have been off birth control now for about 10 months.... I have to say I am thankful for birth control but I am at a point in my life now where I do not ever want to go on it again. I really do believe that stress mixed with hormones caused my migraines to go banana's over the last 10 years. Since being off my birth control my migraines have lessened, depression has lessened, I sleep better, I lost weight and I have gotten control (I think) over my stress. While I do not blame or credit birth control for my pains and recent gains in my health, it certainly began with birth control on both fronts.

My migraines have been mild. They are still here .... that stinky little monster .... and they come when my period is near and when my stress is floating high. The good news is that I have become very adept at recognizing them so I slow down and run to my meds.

Which leads me to another topic .... HEALTHCARE. Oh I know .... it is such a hot topic right now. But guess what? Healthcare has been helping me with my migraines for 10 years. When I finally got on botox 3 years ago it was a life saver. A LIFE SAVER!! I currently am uninsured and due for my botox injections .... wanna hear what has been happening? My tension headaches are back and my inability to completely fight them off causes a lot of frustration which causes them to increase. I know that people who have never had chronic migraines could never understand completely but allow me to analogize for you: imagine pots and pans banging behind your eyes, on your neck and inside your head amplified by a megaphone and flood light on your eyes. The physical pain, the light and noise would be unbearable for people who have never had one of these suckers. That is about 10% of the pain I feel when I have a migraine. The frustration, the annoyance at yourself and every moving person or thing around you is intense. I wish I had the option to go on a public health care system so that I did not have to worry about not being prepared for a migraine or God forbid an asthma attack (an affliction I have had since I was a child). I have not yet read the Senate proposal but I know the one out of Congress was a big pile of dooky.

I hope for the sake of yourselves, your neighbors and the people on the street you are getting involved in this debate and making your voice heard to your state and federal representatives. This debate needs to be about us and not about them. They have had more than enough time to do something substantive on their own; it's time to push them off the cliff of stagnant bullshit and into action. Be your own lobbyists and fight for your beliefs - be heard!

Freedom Friday...sort of

Happy Friday!!! 

Well, I am still spinning. I have to concur with Deborah that the most fun part of dizziness is closing your eyes....wow. It's a ride and I am not even moving. Or when I am just standing and the person I am looking at is swaying...but, they're not. Excuse my victim coming out of me when I have to say "Why ME?????!!!!!!" One of these days I am going to get to the bottom of this and when I do....well, my migraine monster had better watch out!

Other than the constant movement in my head, I have been attending yoga 3x per week and walking the dog about 6 days per week. My boyfriend/partner asked me last night if I am feeling any different (I have been doing the yoga for about 2 months straight now) and my response was an unfortunate "no." I have lost no weight. And, I mean no weight. Not a frickin pound. I am still 157 lbs which is about 30 lbs too much for me and my body. I do not have more energy but I do feel more relaxed. The energy issue may be because I have been fighting virus' consistently (I work in an office = petri dish). The weight issue is not because of my eating habits. Trust me. I have no answer for this one. I cannot cut anymore calories and I do not eat sugar. Who can figure it out? I keep reminding myself that I have to focus on being healthy and I cannot do this without being active. So, I continue to yoga and I continue to walk. 

All of this and I am still happy. The bonus today is that it is Friday. I love Friday's. People are happy and I know that tomorrow is without responsibilities. Even better is knowing that I can sleep past 6am! Oh I love it!! I love the warm feeling of the sheets on me and my pillow. It is so soothing and such a wonderful way to start your day....without an alarm clock.  I even forget that I suffer from headaches/migraines. And....this weekend is a long weekend!!! Whoohoooo!!!!!

Enjoy your weekend...I will be enjoying my mornings sans alarm clock :)

When I say Oklahoma, you say WHAT!??

My job is moving out of California.....it's being moved to Oklahoma. Yes, I said Oklahoma. Doesn't really inspire a "Ohhhh, that sounds like an adventure!" comment, does it? Well, it didn't for me either. Let's see when we think of Oklahoma what comes to mind? A broadway production named Oklahoma, race riots in 1941, a state sentator who recently made an anti-gay comment on the senate floor, a DA who was murdered for being gay last year, gun racks, belt buckle of the bible belt, the Sonics may move there....need I go on?

My hope is that the state has a bad rap. So, I am reaching out to anyone who has been to Oklahoma City or who lives there? What is it like? Do the stereotypes fit? How is the diversity (that is code for how do minorities and gay people get treated)? How is the culture (code for is there any)?

Right now I am feeling disappointed in the company I work for. They released the information to us the same day Oklahoma City newspapers ran the story. So much for letting us know when they know. Despite this, I am considering moving. My family is multi racial and my dad's are gay. Will this fit in? This is the deal breaker for me. If this would be too much of a challenge then I won't move. Did I mention that the company I work for has Diversity as one its Values? I wonder if they will escort me on my way home?

So, if you have any suggestions or comments about Oklahoma City...please let me know. I am trying to remain open but it ain't easy ya'll.

P.s. My vertigo remains aqui. I went to the hospital yesterday...they did nothing and I hope it remains nothing. No migraine today though...YEAH!!

Weather changes, stress and bad sleep equal MIGRAINE MADNESS!

Wow. I was doing really well. I was championing botox injections, going to my yoga classes and walking the dog every day for at least 30 minutes. I was determined to lose weight and really feel good. My life was becoming "normal" again.

"Ah-ha!" Said the migraine. "I have fooled and lulled you into comfort! I am back and bigger than ever. And I brought friends!!" The migraine snickered at me. I had almost, and I really emphasize almost, forgotten how much these 2-3 day ones can hurt. So it started one week ago...I felt it coming on with a vengeance. It was my most unwelcome family member who consistently reminds me of why I dislike them so. It lasted Tuesday through Thursday. But this time, my migraine had a new friend. Allow me to introduce you to Vertigo. Wow. This really one sucks.

I was sitting at my desk and all the sudden the room spun around 1-2x. I sat there with both palms sweating on the desk wondering where that came from. The hangover from that was dizziness for about an hour. It was like I had just gotten off of a boat. This was when I knew it was coming, but I thought....naw! It happened again the next day and I had to run to the bathroom. I decided to stop toughing it and just go home after that one. Not to mention I needed to brush my teeth! I went home and slept for 12 hours; woke up and the pinch in my neck and shoulder were still present which let me know...it ain't over baby!

By Friday it was finally gone. But, Saturday....well, it came back! Why I am so lucky I will never know. I got to enjoy yet another bout through Monday. The migraine and all of its friends: Muscle Pain, Vertigo, Nausea and Photophobia. It was like a great big Latin Party ravaging my poor body. It is now gone again but the effects remain. The intense pain/pinch in my shoulder...I wish I could just pop it and create some space!!! The dizziness is still here so each time I get up I feel like I may lose my feet. And, the after effects would not be complete without the loss of appetite.

I hope the rest of the month is without any sequels.....

Spa days are the best days

First....a catch up: I am feeling better. I had my first migraine in sometime last weekend. It was startling how much it; I cannot believe that I lived through these for so long. The headaches that it launched itself from was unbelievably painful. The human body continues to amaze.

I did start the diet and I have not lost any weight to date. Very frustrating but maybe I need to stop thinking about how much weight I have gained and focus on me at my ideal weight. It probably would not hurt if I started walking too.

I received my second round of botox. Man that stuff hurts goin in!!!! It really works though (for the chronic headaches) and the fact that there is no grogginess or medicine head associated with it really has made it very appealling. My periods did stop for 2 months but then I spotted last week quite by surprise...umm, that is no fun.

On Friday I took a self day. Literally. I spent half of the day at a spa (Burke Williams in Orange, CA). I went with a girlfriend who just happened to be celebrating her birthday on this very same day. So, it was a very good excuse to take the day off of work and relax. And, I did relax but it is a stange environment at this particular spa. When I arrived they told me it was European Style. HUH? Oh this is code for naked naked - got it. I am very kewl with that because I detest walking around in a wet bathing suit. So far so good.

The shape of the women's side was kind of a triangle. It has a jacuzzi, steam room, mist room (cold mist) and sauna for women only. The lockers were right next to the sauna and the steam room. The jacuzzi was HUGE and was in the middle but also back up against a wall next to the misting room. Odd. I have to say there was not a lot of flow to the area. A feng shui master probably would say "This room does not have good chi movement." They would be right.

The women were ALL in their bathing suits which made the atmosphere sort of ....how shall I say.... conservative. So, I was a rebel and refused to put on my top. In the jacuzzi, which had way too much chlorine, the women looked at me with some scorn for which I presume was because I was not following their stuffy rules. Oh well. There was no one in the steam room so I could be as free as I wanted to be. The sauna was packed with chatty women covering up the same equipment they all bore. I could get into the whole self love/image but I will resist.

This was the other thing....these women could talk! Not just the guests but the people that worked there. Holy smokes. It was rather loud....with the sound of the jacuzzi in the back ground and the non-stop clacking it was quite difficult to relax. So, I ventured into the lounge room which was supposed to be unisex but I did not see any men in sight. The talkie talkie grew even louder and louder. I wanted to read my book and just be, but it was not to be. I found another waiting room where no one was inside....the opening and closing of the doors along with the employee's constant discussion about the latest TV shows did not make this a quiet room. Even the fabric on the EZ chair was loud (red, blue and yellow zig zags....yick!) So, I gave in, met back with my friend and we chatted the afternoon away. It was nice to have some girl time....but, if you are looking for some self time I would not recommend this place.

The massage was fantastic and needed. We had lunch there and then scooted out...and I was relaxed. Mission accomplished.

Rain Rain Rain ....YEAH!

It has been raining for 3 days and I love it! It is so dry in Southern California that any rain feels like a good cleaning. They said it was going to be flooding but all I have seen is some damp roadways. Granted we have had some moments of downpour but it is nothing like what Nothern California receives.

On that note....I am on way up to Northern California for a business trip. These are usually somewhat stale as you usually are spoken at versus spoken to. I am sure we will have some type of motivational speaker but for the most part it will be sitting and schmoozing. The hardest part is just being away from home. The nice part is one of my girlfriends is having a baby shower on the Saturday I will be up there so I will get to go.

I am committed to get my stress level down. Having my boob examined on Tuesday for cancer (aka a lump) does not assist in this, but I suppose it needs to be completed. Anywho, I am committed to decreasing my stress and thus I have scheduled a day off next month so I can go to a spa all day. YEAH BABY! YEAH! When I get back from my trip I will reintroduce yoga to my destressing repetoir. I am determined to lose this muffin I have acquired just above my hips.

As for my headaches....they remain under contol. This whole plan to stop my periods seems to be having a bigger effect on my breasts (they hurt from the extra hormones). I am not sure when my normal period is supposed to happen (I think it is in 2 weeks). My fingers remained crossed that I will skip a migraine with my period.

Day 2 of the Botox Experience

I can feel the muscles in my forehead starting to freeze up. It feels....I dunno, strange? I have no headache and I did not wake up with space between my eyebrows swollen and hurting. This was the first in some time I have not had to rub my temple to ease the muscle when I first wake up.

One small thing did happen and I have no idea if it is related or not. I was just finishing my breakfast, I turned my head quickly and I got really dizzy like I was about to pass out. I had to place both hands on the dining table to sort of brace myself. It lasted for a few minutes. I started to think...if this is related to the shots I received in the back of my head, I wonder if it is worth it. My feeling is...I think so.

Anyways....I still feel good and I usually can feel the begining of a headache the Saturday before my period. I remain optimistic!

1 day post Botox

Oh my goodness it hurt! Stung like little bees!! I got more injections than I can count in my forehead and the back of my head. I'm not sure if it was the endorphins or the injection that is not supposed to work for 7-10 days, but my headache 80% disappeared. Today my headache was about 80% gone.

Now, to be fair....I am right before my period and I usually feel pretty good right before for about one day. I am hoping the botox is working....my neck certainly does not hurt as much as it usually does and that has not happened without a muscle relaxer in a long time.

So we shall see. I will keep this updated. I am cautiously optimistic. I really hope this works!

Botox Thursday

I had somewhat of an annoying day today. It is Friday and all should be happy - right? It was not until the end of the day when someone said some grossly inappropriate things to me that kind of threw me off. Then when I come home and try to vent to my boyfriend and he takes a phone call in the middle of my vent. I am annoyed and fighting off a headache. My normal escape has annoyed me as well.

Anyways....after one more back and forth between my doctor's nurses, finally I am going to try the botox on my forehead and likely the back of my head. I am hoping it will help alleviate the constant headache. Then, I am going to make an appointment with my OBGyn and talk about my birth control pills. I am also thinking that it is possible my thyroid might be an issue.

I don't know...my mind is sort of racing right now over todays events at work which has now continued at home.

Sunday fall back Sunday

Well it is Sunday and although I have had a relatively pain free weekend (meaning Saturday) the previous week sucked. According to my boyfriend I am squinching my eyebrows when I sleep to the point that my head is shaking. So not bueno. Funny thing is, he does not have to tell me this because my third eye hurts when I wake up.

So, I called my neurologist last Monday and I have since gone through multiple back and forth messages over the same thing "Yes, this is Tina from Kaiser and I was calling to clarify the discussion you wanted to have with the doctor about botox. "4 times they called and 4 times I provided the same response "It is exactly as I explained the last time....my headaches are not improving and I am unwilling to go on any medication that affects my cognitive functioning. "

I am not quite sure how this could be confusing but apparently it is so confusing they keep calling back. The doctor does not call back but the nurse's assistants do. My hunch is that this has everything to do with their 24 hour call back requirement and nothing to do with being a complete idiot unskilled in the English language. As my smarter than me boyfriend opines: in their effort to streamline customer service they have frustrated the customer.

Like a good patient I have been taking my muscle relaxers at night in an attempt to save myself from headaches in the morning....it's not working. I sleep well and my shoulder is not as achy as normal but my headaches persist.

The question for me remains why. Why do I have headaches? Why me? Why is there no answer? I figure that if I found an answer for my asthma (yoga), then I can find an answer for this ailment. It cannot be that impossible. They told me that yoga was an unknown ailment. They didn't know what caused it and there was no cure. Well, they tell me the same thing about migraines. I didn't believe them about the asthma and I do not believe them about migraines or headaches either.

Ouch

It's my week to get a migraine and I have been fighting one off since Monday. It won today.

I was good. I have taken my rescue medicine at the first hint, my muscle relaxers at night and I have been resting. Last night it would not stop. Anything I took didn't work and as of now it has only mildly subsided....except when I move around.

I really hate this. Not a mild dislike, but I hate it. There is never an ok time for a migraine to hit and it has me so freaked out that the slightest headache and I fear one coming on. Of course, the fires in Southern California do not help the situation at all.

Dragon Days

It's Saturday and although my promises to myself of writing more often with this blog, my source of income remains both a priority and time consuming. Alas, the blog remains on the back burner.

The good news is that last week I was relatively headache free. They would start, I would slow down and the headache, for the most part, would subside. My period is coming next week and so I am anticipating the migraine, but I am hopeful that I will be spared this month.

Maybe part of my unusual relief this week is final acceptance that my j-o-b causes a lot of stress (and I say this as I am contemplating checking my work email and knowing I will have to go in on a Saturday soon). I am finally acknowledging that I am not always able to shake it off. I do enjoy what I am doing but there is a part of me that feels like I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing. This also causes me stress. Maybe my way out of migraines is through therapy? The irony is I think that may be my passion. The thought of taking out more school loans inhibits me from the pursuit. We shall see....

For now, my quest to find the cause behing my migraines remains.

Almost headache free Friday

I had a pretty crappy day yesterday at work. It was stressful and I left work feeling really annoyed. So, I came home and of course my honey was is as he always is: awesome. I forgot about it until I went to bed. I couldn't fall asleep, I couldn't stay asleep and then I woke up with a headache. Oh no! Not on a Friday!!! I stayed in bed a little longer determined not to take any medicine and even more determined to get rid of this headache.

So, I did it! I relaxed my way out of the headache and then left the house for the office intending to have a non-stressful day despite knowing what was ahead for me (meaning, I knew the day ahead of me was going to be very frustrating). I actually managed to maintain it throughout the day.

I feel really good right now and I have not felt this good in a couple of months. Yes, it is only one day but after so many crappy days today feels like gold. I am going to try some yoga tomorrow since I am feeling good. I have not done yoga for about 2 months...can we say happy?? :)

Anywho - I feel good. I feel really good. I don't have a tinge of a headache right now and I don't feel like I am fighting off the flu. YEAH!!!

Friday yeah!

Wow did this week suck! I started off as a friggin space cadet on medication that made me feel like poop, then I go off of the medication and get a cold, the cold gives me a fever which gives me a headache which turns into a migraines and oh yeah work sucked too.

This is the reason I love Mondays. It is the start of a new week and you can leave all the yicky stuff from the week prior behind. Even better than Mondays are Fridays. Fridays represent the ability to rest, reflect and just be. With all of the health issues I have been having lately, Fridays are my saviors. Fridays allow my body 2 days to recuperate.

So this weekend, like most weekends, I will rest and try not to exert too much energy so I don't get a headache. My poor boyfriend is left trying to make sure I am ok and me trying to muster up some energy to actually get out of the house and do something.

Here's to hoping next week is better.

I challenge thee migraine

A little background.... I had my first migraine in 2000. I have no idea what triggered it but I do know that they have gotten progressively worse since that time. Mostly they come with my period but they also come with stress.

What I plan to do with this blog is memorialize what I have been through, what I am trying and how it is working. I want to share some of the research I have done through the web and through books, because quite honestly a lot of it is redundant and completely useless. I will keep this one short and add my history later (with experiences, etc). This first one is only meant to be the appetizer.

It was only within the last 2 years I have been seeking out what causes these devilish occurrences and how I can stop them. I have tried chiropractic treatment because the migraines start on my occipital nerve. I continued this until one treatment resulted in a 3 day flair up. So not bueno. After several trips to the emergency room and many shots of morphine with a chaser of phenergan (an anti-nausea medicine) I then tried prescription medication only; also known as "rescue medicine." I hate it. Did I mention that I hate it? They make me feel terribly blah, flat and totally unaffected. But, they work. I started with Imitrex (which did not work) and then tried Amerge (which works most of the time). More on the medical list later....

I then tried acupuncture, acupressure, aura cleansing massage and yoga. All of them worked a little. But, in the long run when my period came so did the migraine. (Although I do have to say is that when I am consistent with my yoga I do not have an asthma attack or need to use my inhalers.) So, now I am back to the doctor and have agreed to go on a preventative medicine called Topamax.

Topamax is an anti-seizure medication that has had a side effect of preventing migraines. I am clearly on a desperate trail. The side effects of Topamax are: dizziness, weight loss, forgetfulness, and it keeps getting better. Basically it effects some of your cognitive functions because it works on your brain. I have been on it for 3 days now and this is the first day that I do not feel totally in outer space. Mind you....I still feel pretty hazy but I am not asking my boyfriend "What??" everytime he speaks to me. Which has proven to be frustrating even for our pooch.

Anywho...my motive for this blog is due to a bullshit book I bought and returned on migraines. I wanted to lend a helping virtual hand to my fellow sufferers on what definitely not to spend your cash on.