I feel....BLAH

It is hot outside. We do not have air conditioning in our house. I had a rough week at work...again. The economy sucks. Chris is in a foul mood. I feel BLAH.

I think I am just emotionally exhausted. When I think about getting up off the couch to address my now consistent struggle with losing these 30 extra pounds that will not exit my body no matter how much yoga and walking I do...when I think about getting off the couch, I just keep thinking "but I don't wanna." All I want to do is sit here all day long and surf the mindless waves of the internet and yep you guessed it, not think about anything. Calgon take me away!!

When I do sit and think what comes to my mind is all of the stuff I should be doing with my life: I should have pursued my art, I should be working towards my masters in Clinical Psych, I should be reading a book, I should be finishing a book I already started, I should be writing my autobiography....should I continue this pity party for one? I can hear the tiny violins playing for my woes now. It's that little song called: Shoulda, coulda, woulda.

My life is blessed, so why do I get into these moods? Oh yeah, because I am human and humans have hormones and feelings. Stress causes the production of additional hormones which make humans feel tired. I am stressed, I am human and I am tired. I feel BLAH. And by the way....we are aloud to feel BLAH from time to time ;)

Protein strike

A couple of months ago I was talking to a coworker of mine who had a friend who suffered from migraines. He mentioned that his friend abstains from protein right when his symptoms start. Interesting. I researched a tad and did not find anyone really talking about it. I have read a lot about dietary issues with migraines (giving up chocolate or wheat bread seems cruel) but nothing related to protein specifically. 

So, my job is challenging right now. It has got me more stressed than I care to admit. I have been having nightmares and wondering when the migraine shoe was going to drop. Well, it started on Sunday. Our dog locked us out of my dad's condo in 100 degree weather. Yes, you read that correctly. Our dog locked us out. We got back in about 2 hours later but it was quite the ordeal and it was hot. Really hot. So, we are driving back home and we see 2 accidents. This stresses me out. We get home and I take a nap because I can feel the pinch in my shoulder and neck start. I opt not to take any meds, but I did remember the no protein conversation. For dinner I did not have any protein. 

The next day the headache was starting and it was starting bad. I decided to let myself sleep since my body was calling for it and again opted out of protein all day. I did go to work but only worked a half day. That night I felt the pinch again and took my meds. Today I woke up with the medicine head hangover so I slept in again, but I only needed to take ibuprofen. I again avoided protein all day and for dinner. 

As I write now, I know I need to take a muscle relaxer but it's not as bad as it usually is. I hope I am not speaking too soon, but I thought I would share nonetheless. 

My nephew

He is beautiful. I could not stop staring at him. He has this unusually perfectly formed face, fingers and toes. He was the perfect distraction from a horrible Friday. 

I was called right after I posted my last comment. My job called me and let me know an announcement was coming forth the following day. They had made some difficult decisions and all of the employees were being informed of it on Friday. I opted to come into the office to support my employees and my coworkers. Changes in the workplace are never easy no matter what they are. It always means adjustments. Nonetheless it has happened and I did not really sleep or eat for a few days. 

My partner being the wonderful man that he is assisted me in meeting my nephew and making sure that I celebrated my birthday....and I did. We spent about 2 hours with my nephew and then went to my dad's for some relaxation. A day at the spa and some walks in the heat (Palm Springs is hot!!!) helped me calm down. It was a very nice weekend. 

The rest of my vacation was spent pondering over my job. I am happy to report that no migraines joined my stress party. They stayed away as requested and I made sure that I did not create anything that would have opened the door. Scrabble is a wonderful distraction when you cannot get something off your mind ;)  

Vacay Baby!

**SIGH** It is my birthday this week...well, I guess technically it is next week since it falls on a Sunday...anyways, I will be 33. I decided my gift to myself will be 7 days off of work. I really need it. I have been uber tired for more months than I can count, I have been working on average of 10 hour days (and I am salaried so no overtime...poop!), my job is moving and so the mood in the office tends to swing, I am trying to keep my employees happy so we can meet our goals for the end of the year and did I mention I am tired? Anywho, I opted to take some time off and treat myself to no obligations for 7 whole days. This means....no work emails and nothing to do with work; it also means I can be vegetable ;)

But, I will not be a vegetable. I am going to go to my yoga classes, walk the dog and spend a few days in Palm Springs. I just get the option to sleep in for each of these days! Maybe my weight issues will take a vacation as well because it has seriously been frustrating me. Wait...I am trying to be positive about this. Let me try that again: I will have a break from thinking about my weight in a negative light during this vacation. Better? Well, it's the best positive outlook I can muster for the moment. Whenever I think of my additional poundage this song comes into my head (sung by Kim Wilde): Set me free why don't you babe, get out my life why don't you babe., oooh hooo, you don't really love me, you just keep me hanging on! Gotta love the 80's!! Well, I sing it to my fat cells....maybe they don't like my singing? I am planning on my headaches and migraines to gift me by not being present for this whole week. I will not sing to them in hopes they do not come around (my singing is pretty bad....but I love to do it....by myself when no one is around).

So, other than sleeping in and keep up with my calorie burning/health routine, I will be meeting my 3 week old nephew this weekend. He is my brother's child and my only nephew...this means he will be spoiled! My brother and I only recently met (that is a whole other post!!!) and now we have a new edition to the family to celebrate. His name is Gabriel and he is quite adorable. And, yes I am completely biased.

I will try to post whilst I relax...but who knows...I may be too lazy to type ;)

The dog made me do it

I have had what has been one of the most laziest days I have enjoyed in a long time. I woke up at about 7:30am (only because I could not fall back asleep), made my mocha (low-fat), had some breakfast and went back to bed. That's right, I went back to bed. I crawled back under the covers because I had that groggy feeling like I could sleep anywhere. So, because I was at home I figured....why not?

I could not fall back asleep but I did watch "Sex: The Revolution" episode 2 which was fantastic. And, then I watched "The Mannequin" which if you do not remember, is pure 80's pre Sex in The City Kim Cattrell enjoyment. And then, I watched "Nina Takes A Lover" ....well, at least I tried to. Chris decided that I was looking a wee bit relaxed and so opted to get the pooch ready for the daily walkie-poo (we have a Jack Russell Terrier and there is no option but to walk him every day). Well, Jordan (the D-O-G) decides he is going to protest. Whereas seeing his leash and collar usually promotes him into doggie excitement, sometimes when I am sick with a migraine he will refuse to walk and instead insist on laying down with me until I am better. I know...AWWWWWW!!! How cute?? It is very endearing. Today he did the same thing, only I am feeling lazy not sick. 

If you recall, I have been struggling with losing some weight I gained while Chris was getting healthy. I am about 30 lbs overweight and try not to complain about it because I am doing something about it (whether it is working is another post). Think positive! Right? Well, I guess the dog has been listening because he would not budge off my side. Chris would come and get him away from the couch and he would wiggle away and run right back. I started thinking maybe the D-O-G is trying to tell me something: Stop complaining and walk me!!! Ok, ok I get it. I ask Chris if he can wait 10 minutes while I get dressed and brush the polyester off my afternoon unbrushed teeth. Being the supportive (and yummy) man that he is, he agreed. 

So, I got my walking clothes on and went for the walk. It was a lovely walk too. We went on a hike and the flowers were bursting from the trail. Even though the tide was coming in and so....well, the smell does not match the beauty of the flowers it was still lovely. The dog made me do it and I cannot be mad at him for that. 

Freedom Friday...sort of

Happy Friday!!! 

Well, I am still spinning. I have to concur with Deborah that the most fun part of dizziness is closing your eyes....wow. It's a ride and I am not even moving. Or when I am just standing and the person I am looking at is swaying...but, they're not. Excuse my victim coming out of me when I have to say "Why ME?????!!!!!!" One of these days I am going to get to the bottom of this and when I do....well, my migraine monster had better watch out!

Other than the constant movement in my head, I have been attending yoga 3x per week and walking the dog about 6 days per week. My boyfriend/partner asked me last night if I am feeling any different (I have been doing the yoga for about 2 months straight now) and my response was an unfortunate "no." I have lost no weight. And, I mean no weight. Not a frickin pound. I am still 157 lbs which is about 30 lbs too much for me and my body. I do not have more energy but I do feel more relaxed. The energy issue may be because I have been fighting virus' consistently (I work in an office = petri dish). The weight issue is not because of my eating habits. Trust me. I have no answer for this one. I cannot cut anymore calories and I do not eat sugar. Who can figure it out? I keep reminding myself that I have to focus on being healthy and I cannot do this without being active. So, I continue to yoga and I continue to walk. 

All of this and I am still happy. The bonus today is that it is Friday. I love Friday's. People are happy and I know that tomorrow is without responsibilities. Even better is knowing that I can sleep past 6am! Oh I love it!! I love the warm feeling of the sheets on me and my pillow. It is so soothing and such a wonderful way to start your day....without an alarm clock.  I even forget that I suffer from headaches/migraines. And....this weekend is a long weekend!!! Whoohoooo!!!!!

Enjoy your weekend...I will be enjoying my mornings sans alarm clock :)

It's official....I am a dizzy blonde

Well, I am blonde and I am dizzy. Very dizzy. But, it is not an "oh my God!" dizzy. This is a vertigo dizzy. It's been 2 weeks now and nothing has subsided. It is not worse but it is no better. I keep freaking out because all I read about lately is that migraines can be related to strokes. So, me and my obsessiveness keeps thinking that I am having a stroke everytime I get a spell....which is every other hour. Fun? Yes? No......

The room spins every other hour, if I was 5 years old again this might be amusing. But, I am almost 33 and so it is not at all. Kaiser sent me away with dramamine... the side effects suck and it did not work! So, as I am trying to type I have to keep stopping because I feel like I am going to fall over. My hope is that the Kaiser doctor was right and all I have is a virus.

Wish me luck!