Freedom Friday...sort of

Happy Friday!!! 

Well, I am still spinning. I have to concur with Deborah that the most fun part of dizziness is closing your eyes....wow. It's a ride and I am not even moving. Or when I am just standing and the person I am looking at is swaying...but, they're not. Excuse my victim coming out of me when I have to say "Why ME?????!!!!!!" One of these days I am going to get to the bottom of this and when I do....well, my migraine monster had better watch out!

Other than the constant movement in my head, I have been attending yoga 3x per week and walking the dog about 6 days per week. My boyfriend/partner asked me last night if I am feeling any different (I have been doing the yoga for about 2 months straight now) and my response was an unfortunate "no." I have lost no weight. And, I mean no weight. Not a frickin pound. I am still 157 lbs which is about 30 lbs too much for me and my body. I do not have more energy but I do feel more relaxed. The energy issue may be because I have been fighting virus' consistently (I work in an office = petri dish). The weight issue is not because of my eating habits. Trust me. I have no answer for this one. I cannot cut anymore calories and I do not eat sugar. Who can figure it out? I keep reminding myself that I have to focus on being healthy and I cannot do this without being active. So, I continue to yoga and I continue to walk. 

All of this and I am still happy. The bonus today is that it is Friday. I love Friday's. People are happy and I know that tomorrow is without responsibilities. Even better is knowing that I can sleep past 6am! Oh I love it!! I love the warm feeling of the sheets on me and my pillow. It is so soothing and such a wonderful way to start your day....without an alarm clock.  I even forget that I suffer from headaches/migraines. And....this weekend is a long weekend!!! Whoohoooo!!!!!

Enjoy your weekend...I will be enjoying my mornings sans alarm clock :)

It's official....I am a dizzy blonde

Well, I am blonde and I am dizzy. Very dizzy. But, it is not an "oh my God!" dizzy. This is a vertigo dizzy. It's been 2 weeks now and nothing has subsided. It is not worse but it is no better. I keep freaking out because all I read about lately is that migraines can be related to strokes. So, me and my obsessiveness keeps thinking that I am having a stroke everytime I get a spell....which is every other hour. Fun? Yes? No......

The room spins every other hour, if I was 5 years old again this might be amusing. But, I am almost 33 and so it is not at all. Kaiser sent me away with dramamine... the side effects suck and it did not work! So, as I am trying to type I have to keep stopping because I feel like I am going to fall over. My hope is that the Kaiser doctor was right and all I have is a virus.

Wish me luck!

How Do Migraines Affect Me?

This is a great description of what migraines are. It's only about 5 minutes long.

When I say Oklahoma, you say WHAT!??

My job is moving out of California.....it's being moved to Oklahoma. Yes, I said Oklahoma. Doesn't really inspire a "Ohhhh, that sounds like an adventure!" comment, does it? Well, it didn't for me either. Let's see when we think of Oklahoma what comes to mind? A broadway production named Oklahoma, race riots in 1941, a state sentator who recently made an anti-gay comment on the senate floor, a DA who was murdered for being gay last year, gun racks, belt buckle of the bible belt, the Sonics may move there....need I go on?

My hope is that the state has a bad rap. So, I am reaching out to anyone who has been to Oklahoma City or who lives there? What is it like? Do the stereotypes fit? How is the diversity (that is code for how do minorities and gay people get treated)? How is the culture (code for is there any)?

Right now I am feeling disappointed in the company I work for. They released the information to us the same day Oklahoma City newspapers ran the story. So much for letting us know when they know. Despite this, I am considering moving. My family is multi racial and my dad's are gay. Will this fit in? This is the deal breaker for me. If this would be too much of a challenge then I won't move. Did I mention that the company I work for has Diversity as one its Values? I wonder if they will escort me on my way home?

So, if you have any suggestions or comments about Oklahoma City...please let me know. I am trying to remain open but it ain't easy ya'll.

P.s. My vertigo remains aqui. I went to the hospital yesterday...they did nothing and I hope it remains nothing. No migraine today though...YEAH!!

Weather changes, stress and bad sleep equal MIGRAINE MADNESS!

Wow. I was doing really well. I was championing botox injections, going to my yoga classes and walking the dog every day for at least 30 minutes. I was determined to lose weight and really feel good. My life was becoming "normal" again.

"Ah-ha!" Said the migraine. "I have fooled and lulled you into comfort! I am back and bigger than ever. And I brought friends!!" The migraine snickered at me. I had almost, and I really emphasize almost, forgotten how much these 2-3 day ones can hurt. So it started one week ago...I felt it coming on with a vengeance. It was my most unwelcome family member who consistently reminds me of why I dislike them so. It lasted Tuesday through Thursday. But this time, my migraine had a new friend. Allow me to introduce you to Vertigo. Wow. This really one sucks.

I was sitting at my desk and all the sudden the room spun around 1-2x. I sat there with both palms sweating on the desk wondering where that came from. The hangover from that was dizziness for about an hour. It was like I had just gotten off of a boat. This was when I knew it was coming, but I thought....naw! It happened again the next day and I had to run to the bathroom. I decided to stop toughing it and just go home after that one. Not to mention I needed to brush my teeth! I went home and slept for 12 hours; woke up and the pinch in my neck and shoulder were still present which let me know...it ain't over baby!

By Friday it was finally gone. But, Saturday....well, it came back! Why I am so lucky I will never know. I got to enjoy yet another bout through Monday. The migraine and all of its friends: Muscle Pain, Vertigo, Nausea and Photophobia. It was like a great big Latin Party ravaging my poor body. It is now gone again but the effects remain. The intense pain/pinch in my shoulder...I wish I could just pop it and create some space!!! The dizziness is still here so each time I get up I feel like I may lose my feet. And, the after effects would not be complete without the loss of appetite.

I hope the rest of the month is without any sequels.....

Life in the slow down lane

It was my boyfriends birthday on Friday and so I decided to do something for him that would be fun and new...I took him horseback riding. It was fantastic. We drove out to Topanga Canyon and went on a 2 hour horseback ride. Our guide was an aspiring actor, hence he talked a lot and talked a lot about himself but he was pleasant nonetheless. Overall I would say it was a really nice day.

We arrived at about 10:30 am to an inconspicuous ranch with a long steep driveway you are not allowed to drive down. We start our trek down and notice there are no cameras or cell phones allowed. QUE??? Why? Obligingly we trek back up the hill a few feet and put our camera back in the car. We get down to the bottom of the hill and there is a small veranda with one guy who does not speak English and says nothing to us. We wait for 15 minutes for someone to show up and acknowledge that we are here on time. It was a pleasantly cool morning so it did not bother me too much. I was trying to just be present without a lot of expectation...but I was slightly annoyed.

After finding out the reason our cameras were abandoned was due to insurance reasons (which I understand) I am feeling better. We walk down to meet our horses. HOLY SMOKES! They are huge! I have ridden before but never on something so big. I keep thinking...did I gain this much weight that they are placing me on such a large creature? I was not sure how I was going to get my legs around this horse but I did it. His name was Donkey Pancakes....I am not making this one up. Chris' horse was named Danny. Okie dokie.

We start out on our ride and it was smooth....we just enjoyed the views which were spectacular. We rode on this ridge line that overlooked all of LA. All of the Spring wild flowers were in full bloom...I would have loved to take pictures but couldn't. Purple, pink, yellow, big and small flowers were taking over the landscape on both sides. I was just taking it all in while I was practicing my best calm assertiveness (as taught by Cesar Milan) with the horse. Our guide took a few minutes to stop talking about himself here and there and would comment how well we were doing with the horses and how surprised he was at the behavior of the horses. I am not quite sure the sincerity of these comments because we walked past a rattle snake who was rattling and the horses could not have been less concerned. They were beyond mellow.

So on we go....and then we start into what will be a fateful trot. I am not a big fan of the trot because it is slow/fast and too bouncy. I prefer the cantor which allows you to feel the rhythm of the horse more, but like I said our guide was chatty. So, the trot was without consistency and exceptionally bouncy on these monster size horses. Basically it was no fun.

We finish our ride 2 hours later and feeling relaxed and really hot (it is now 1pm and 90 degrees) we head home. But, not before I almost pass out from a heat stroke. Oh yes, I am heat sensitive with my blond hair, blue eyes and what should be olive skin but is now pale white from staying out of the sun for the last few years. Even though I had on a J-Lo sized floppy hat to protect me I still almost collapsed. A little cold water and calm minutes in the shade and I was good as new.

We get home and confirm it was a ton of fun and something we will have to do again at a different ranch. We have a wonderful dinner from Memphis restaurant and fall into a blissful sleep. But, remember I said the trot was fateful? Well, I woke up Saturday morning barely able to move. My back is jacked! The whole thoracic is spasming as I write....all of this because of a chatty guide, a horse that was much too big for me and a tortuous trot. I am now spending my Sunday in the slow lane.

Stress is not my friend....

Stress and I ....we don't get along. I try to cope with stress but it doesn't seem to beat the beast that starts to pinch that area where my neck and shoulder meet. I try to relax it away. I refuse to let it keep me out of yoga. I try to get enough sleep. It still takes over and forces me to the medicine cabinet; that medicine cabinet that I detest.

The medicine cabinet translates to side effects. It means that I am sleepy and unable to focus...kind of like right now. I am not quite sure why people take these pills for recreation (addiction I do understand) - I hate them. They make me feel like I am not myself. That I am flat emotionally. It's the same reason I don't enjoy alcohol...I don't like feeling as if there is something that affects me mentally or emotionally.

So, here I sit feeling dopey and not wanting to move because it hurts. Stress equals migraines. Migraines equal pain. I am happy that these are few and far between now.