Migraines are hormonal

Wow, so long since I have updated this and yet so much life that has happened. What I found out about my migraines was that there were a few things going on: my birth control pills were jacking my hormone levels to a dysfunctional level, the stress in my life was taking over my ability to cope with life and finally I was not living out my hearts desire. As soon as I took a step towards what I really wanted to do with my life, my migraines went away. Just like that. They went away. I get them only now when my life is out of sync which is mainly around my period but even then it is only ever so often. I am now able to rest for a few hours and be fine with a few Tylenol. No joke. Certainly this is not the cure for everyone, but this truly worked for me. I thought I was going to be  coping with these the rest of my life, so it is with great giddiness that I tell you I am doing really okay.

C'est La Me ....

So I have been off birth control now for about 10 months.... I have to say I am thankful for birth control but I am at a point in my life now where I do not ever want to go on it again. I really do believe that stress mixed with hormones caused my migraines to go banana's over the last 10 years. Since being off my birth control my migraines have lessened, depression has lessened, I sleep better, I lost weight and I have gotten control (I think) over my stress. While I do not blame or credit birth control for my pains and recent gains in my health, it certainly began with birth control on both fronts.

My migraines have been mild. They are still here .... that stinky little monster .... and they come when my period is near and when my stress is floating high. The good news is that I have become very adept at recognizing them so I slow down and run to my meds.

Which leads me to another topic .... HEALTHCARE. Oh I know .... it is such a hot topic right now. But guess what? Healthcare has been helping me with my migraines for 10 years. When I finally got on botox 3 years ago it was a life saver. A LIFE SAVER!! I currently am uninsured and due for my botox injections .... wanna hear what has been happening? My tension headaches are back and my inability to completely fight them off causes a lot of frustration which causes them to increase. I know that people who have never had chronic migraines could never understand completely but allow me to analogize for you: imagine pots and pans banging behind your eyes, on your neck and inside your head amplified by a megaphone and flood light on your eyes. The physical pain, the light and noise would be unbearable for people who have never had one of these suckers. That is about 10% of the pain I feel when I have a migraine. The frustration, the annoyance at yourself and every moving person or thing around you is intense. I wish I had the option to go on a public health care system so that I did not have to worry about not being prepared for a migraine or God forbid an asthma attack (an affliction I have had since I was a child). I have not yet read the Senate proposal but I know the one out of Congress was a big pile of dooky.

I hope for the sake of yourselves, your neighbors and the people on the street you are getting involved in this debate and making your voice heard to your state and federal representatives. This debate needs to be about us and not about them. They have had more than enough time to do something substantive on their own; it's time to push them off the cliff of stagnant bullshit and into action. Be your own lobbyists and fight for your beliefs - be heard!

Drama fo yo mama

How can I say this without offending and upsetting? Cutting off a family member is really hard. Cutting off a family member with a baby is even more difficult.

I have a family member who I do not know that well but we were working on getting to know each other better. It's a strange relationship because you are related but you are strangers. So, while you are automatically cautious you feel strange about that because you are biologically related. It is odd. Very odd.

This particular person is not a healthy person spiritually, physically or emotionally. And, he married someone who mirrors his deficiencies. The problem is there is a child involved. A child who is clearly not developing as he should be. One has to stop and wonder if it is not an issue with the parents versus the genetics. I would lean towards the former. The spouse is probably one of the most wounded venomous people I have ever met. My family member is someone who has this in them but seems to try to rise above it. The problem is that he wants what he wants when he wants it and will do whatever it takes to obtain it. Alone they express their extreme unhappiness with each other, their desire to separate and their desire to hurt each other. This makes for a very volatile situation when the two of them are upset at the same time.

Because I have been wanting this relationship to work, I have been patient and giving to both of these people. Because there has been a baby involved, I have been trying to remain calm as a source of support. But, I can only take so much of being taken advantage of . I finally spoke my frustration. I finally let go of my irritation over the complete lack of consideration these two display to all of those around them. The result was a volcanic eruption from two people who cannot stand being challenged and a severed relationship due to their toxicity.

I am sad, but I feel lighter. I don't feel as if I am witnessing the cruelest couple on earth screw up a perfectly innocent child. And most importantly, I kept a promise to my mother to locate the two she could never forget.

Stories of Love

Sooo, on the blog that I have been cheating on this blog with I have been writing (or better yet, starting to write) my story. I have found that it has been a difficult and yet easy thing to open up and be so vulnerable. I have had to think about how some of my words may affect my family, reconcile that this is my story from my perspective and take the leap to just write it. It has been actually very freeing. I am feeling closer to my mother than I ever have in getting this out. I kinda wish she was alive to read it, but I have a feeling she may not have understood it.

The interesting effect of my unloading is my headaches while still frequent have not been as severe. I have had minor migraines but nothing that early medication cannot catch in time. I wonder if allowing myself to be so vulnerable while inviting friends and family to read this has been healing me in some sense. Maybe I will get to that memoir after all?

On a separate note, I would like to send my love to the Jackson family. Michael was such an important part of music and culture. I do not know one person who has not had an event in their life framed by his art. I will miss him greatly but I am so thankful for what he has left us. As a good friend of mine said so eloquently: Tha Man Made Thriller!!!

Neglectful

My apologies....I have been cheating on my blog with another blog. Unfortunately, this new blog has been getting some really good feedback so it's encouraging me to write more on the other blog. So, I offer my apologies and invite you to read my other blog along with this one. 

My migraines have been unchanged - they still are coming around my period and they still hurt like hell. In my employment I read medical records where people have to state on a scale from one to ten how bad is their pain for a soft tissue injury...they almost alway scale it at a 10. Yeah right. I think about my migraines and I can honestly say that the feeling of my face falling off is one of the worst feelings I have ever had and I still would not state it was a 10...possibly a 9 but not a 10. My sympathy for them is, shall I say, minor. 

My back is doing better. The physical therapy is actually really helping. They have discovered that my right hip is one inch higher than the left, thus causing my back pain because it makes my sciatic knots REALLY big. 

I hope everyone is feelin good and welcoming the Spring coming in. Keep checkin back on me...I will continue to update. 

Semi better

Sunday's are just a beautiful day....always. No matter what the weather is, I always find Sunday's are unbelievably attractive. 

My back is about half way better....I start physical therapy soon and I am hoping this will greatly improve the strength and kick away sciatica forever! We shall see......I really need to get back into my yoga. I didn't have all these physical ailments when I was doing yoga...migraines yes, but knee and back problems....no. 

Still Hurting

My back is jacked...it feels like it is never going to get better. Stupid sciatica.